


Feels like Coming Home

by isamakivi



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Angry Calum, Coming Out, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings, M/M, Neglect, Protective Calum, Recreational Drug Use, Sad Michael, Self-Destruction, Underage Drinking, calum is full off secrets, kind off, lets just see where this goes, light Violence, tagging as I go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 23:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8642281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isamakivi/pseuds/isamakivi
Summary: All Calum wants is to finish school and get away from his small town. He works hard to seem happy, to be respected and popular at school, to be diffrent, something more. To be someone. All Ashton wants is to get noticed by the boy with the easy smile but guarded eyes. All Michael wants is to escape, to take another hit, another drink, use another body. To feel something. And Luke? Luke just wants everyone to be happy.





	1. Dancing with a Wolf.

**Calum.**

Calum jumps around while trying to put on his black skinny jeans. His dark curls bounces and his hand is tapping against the wall during the verse of the song. All Time Low are blasting through the speakers and making the walls vibrate within the tiny bedroom which only has space for a small bed, a wardrobe and a desk. The walls are white and the room is in perfect condition, every small thing has it's own small place. Calum puts on a dark green bottom up shirt, he push back the curls of his forehead and look at himself in the mirror. Most days, Calum is satisfied with what he sees. His tanned skin and dark hair makes him look different from the other kids in his school, as well as the almost black eyes coverd with thick eyelashes.

_”I'm not your friend, you burned a bridge_  
_I chew you up and spit you out_  
_Oh woah oh woah oh_  
_There's no love for a liar, no love for a liar”_

Just as the song ends, Calum rushes out of his room and down the stairs where he puts on his black converses and then goes through the living room and out to the backyard in search of his father. As always, David can be found sitting on a chair with a sketchblock in his lap.  
”Dad?”  
”Mhm.”  
”Im off to school now”

David barely aknolewedge this, but Calum just sighs and goes back inside. There where (often) times where art was all that his dad cared about and Calum missed his sister more than ever on days like these. She always had a way of talking to their dad that made him actually look at them, but maybe thats because Mali had inherited his passion for painting. While making his way through the house, Calum founds his mother in the kitchen. Or “the real reason why Mali decided to go to a college far away” as Calum has taken a liking to call her in his head.

“Mom, I'm leaving know” he says.  
He dosen't get an answer, Joy just sighs while looking through the newspaper. She looks tired and worn out from working two jobs so the money can go around.  
“It's the first day of school” Calum tries again even though he knows it's of no use.

While David turn to art as a way to escape, his mother turn to alcohol and endless reality shows. She used to be a bright, happy person who always showed love towards Calum, but ever since the company made some cuts that landed Joy unemployed and thus having to work for minimum wadge, she had turned mean and cold. Calum clenches his fist, swallowing down the lump in his throat and turn around to exit the house, slamming the door hard on his way out.

Outside, he takes a couple of deep breaths and starts walking through the neighberhood. The small strip consist with terraced houses deeply in need of a renovation and is commnly known as “the Crook” based of it's occupents who consist almost exclusivley of drug addicts and criminals. It's the slum, the wasteland, the last stop before becoming homeless. Calum thinks that the area ms have been beautiful once opon a time, considering the forrest surronding it. But that was a long time ago. Calum shakes his head to clear his thoughts, lifts his head and spots his best friend Michael waiting for him up the street.

”Wow Mikey, one could almost think you can't wait to get to school”, Calum says, sarcasm dripping in his voice, reffering to the fact that Michael is actually up and out of bed this early in the morning.  
”Shut the fuck up”, Michael grumbles while slining an arm around Calums shoulder as he starts walking besides him.  
”Rough night, huh?” Calum asks and pointley looks at the other boys outfit which consist of black dirty skinny jeans, an oversized black hoodie and the red hair tucked under a beanie. ”I don't want to be inpolite, but you reek of beer”.  
Micheal only snorts and playfully shoves Calum with his shoulder, while taking out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one.  
“What can I say” Michael says while looking at Calum over the sunglasses and reveales red rimmed eyes,  
“not all of us gets up at fuck o'clock in the morning just to look “presentable” for the asshats in our class”.  
“Come on dude, it's the start of senior year! That's kinda worth getting excited for!”

Michael says nothing, just inhales from the cigarette, a small smile forming at his lips. Calum takes a moment to look over at his best friend. He and Michael have been best friends since before he could even remember, and there was a time when they had no one else but eachother. Where Michael looked like a typical teen from their neighborhood, with the rough edges and a “fuck you” attityde, Calum had adapted and started branching out to build friendships with people from not just their part of town. Some people don't even know where he lives, and Calum often felt the odd stares that he and Michael would get when they were togheter, just for their different looks. But still, at the end of the day, Michael was pretty much the only person that really matter in his life besides his sister. Well, him and Luke. Speaking of.

“Have you heard from Luke at all?”  
“No,” answered Michael while flicking the bud of the cigarette off, “but he probably just overslept or something”.  
Calum didn't answer, just nodded in agreement. Luke was the youngest of the three, and was a year below them, and was notorious for coming late to everything ever.  
“Look, there is the hellhole” Michael says, pointing to the grey builind coming up in front of them.  
The two boys shares a look and grimaces, a way of saying “well, how bad can it be?”.

***

As it turns out, it can be very bad. Two hours later Calum finds himself sitting on the steps at the entrence of the school, waiting for his best friend that is currently held up in the principals office. The sun is shining and he is restless, just wanting to get away from the school where he spent the morning listning to different set of informations and what not. _“At least we don't start for real until tomorrow”_ he thinks at the same time as he spots a familiar figure walking down the road ahead of him.

“Ashton!” he yells and waves.  
“Hey Calum, whats up?” the boy yells back and starts walking towards him.  
“Not much, just waiting for Mikey. He's with the principal”.  
Ashton grimaces at that, “what a way to start the school year”.  
“Yeah, tell me about it. What are you up to?”

Ashton slides a hand through his hair, shaking out his golden locks and smiles wide at Calum, his hazel eyes glistening. The boy is wearing a band shirt with some dark blue jeans, with several bracelets covering his forarms.  
“I'm actually on my way to meet Luke at subway, you guys wanna come with?” he asks, sitting down next to Calum who nods in agreement.  
“So how was your school? It's your first day too, right?” the dark haired boy asks.  
“Yeah, it seems cool. It's a lot bigger than this place and people seems more chilled” Ashton answers and smiles big enough to let a couple of dimples show.  
Ashton is a year older than Calum and Michael, meaning he's in his first year of community college.  
“I don't get why you choosed to go to a school in this shit of a town, I would have gotten far away” Calum says, almost to himself.  
Ashton only smiles a half smile and shrugs his shoulders and Calum feels bad, he knows that it's probably too expensive for the boy to go to a school in another town. He's just about to open his mouth to say as much, when the doors behind them opens up with a bang.

“Fucking bitch” Michael mutter to himself.  
“Finally, I thought they where going to keep you there for ever” Calum exclaims dramatically while throwing his arm around the currently red headed boy.  
“Felt like she where going to” Michael says unhappily while lighting a cigarette and nods a greeting to the other boy standing besides them.  
“Well, what did she say?” Calum asks.  
“Just the same old, the principal being a total asshole and having a whole lecture about “attending lessions and looking apart””, Michael says while airquoting, “apparently my outfit and smoking habits is a cause for concern”, Mikey says in a voice that suggest that it's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.  
“Maybe she just meant well” Ashton tries but the redheaded boy just scoffs angrily.  
“Okey well, Ashton is supposed to meet Luke at Subland, you wanna go?” Calum interrups before Michaels anger gets out of hand.  
The boy just nods in answer and off they go.

A while later they all sits in silence at corner table. The loud sorrounding with other teens makes the silence around the table not as uncomfortable as it could have been and they're all busy eating their sandwishes. Well, everyone besides Michael who hasn't touched the apple Calum gave him, still muttering under his breath about “stupid fucking idiot principle”. The dark boy next to him sighs, when Michael gets in one of his mood it's hard to get him out of it.

“Look who's here!” Ahstons says and breaks the silence and they all look towards the door where Luke just entered.  
“Whats up guys and pals, how are we doing today?” the tall, blonde boy greets them with a big smile on his face.  
“So you finally got yourself out of bed, huh?” Ashton asks while fist bumping Luke, who just smiles before walking over to order a sandwich for himself.  
Calums eyes follow him as he walks, taking in how both girls and boys look over at the blonde boy that smiles and waves to a few of them. Luke is easily the most liked person Calum knows, with his kind smile and big personality. It's like people gravitates towards him, just begging to be friends with him. He has this kind off aura surronding him, making him the most popular person at the school and problaly amongst the whole town.

“Liking what you see, huh?” Luke smirks at Calum when he comes back, his eyes still on him the whole time.  
“Hardly”, the dark haired boy snorts, “you look like a fucking douche” he says and flicks the snapback that's resting on Lukes head.  
“Well, I guess that means all is safe and well. Aside for this one over here” Luke says with a mouth full of sandwich, pointing at Michael, “whats up, Mike? Why the pissy face?”  
Michael just shrugs and Ashton quickly explains that he had a run in with the principal.  
“Aw, poor Mikey” Luke coos at him, “was the big old principal mean to you, kitten?”  
Michael just shrugs and look away, but Calum can spot the blush creeping up his cheeks.  
“Im not a kitten, i'm fucking punk rock” the red headed boy mutters while kicking Luke in the chin underneath the table.  
“'Course you are, you're the most badassed punk rock kitten I know” Luke says with a wink, and Michael can't help the smile that takes over his face.  
_“This is why Luke is such a great guy”_ , Calum thinks, “ _he know's exactly what to say to make someone happy”._

* * *

 

  **Michael.**

Michael sits quietly and watches his friends talking about everything from the past summer to expectations of the coming school year. He tries to participate in the conversation but the principles words from earlier keeps replaying in his head. _”I'm worried about your grades, especially in gym, last year you barely passed and that can't happen this year. This is your last shot, if you don't step up you may have to repeat the whole year”_ , the principals threat echos in his head.

It's not that Michael is slow in any way, he knows he's not, he just can't be bothered with school. There's so much else he wants to do rather than sit in a stupid classroom with stupid people that asks stupid questions. And homework? Michael hasn't brought home a single piece of it for years. He sighs to himself and plays with the uneaten apple that Calum gave him, _”maybe I should just drop out”_ he thinks to himself but he shakes the thought of off him, he could never do that to his mom.

”Hey Mike, what's up? What are you thinking about?” Ashton asks and cuts Micheals line of thought.  
”I just remembered that party this summer, where we took some E” Michael says quckily.  
”No, shut up, not again” Calum groans and drops his head on the table.  
”Oh that's right” Luke says with a grin, ”that's the time Cal tried to brush everyones teeth!”  
”Oh ha ha, very funny” Calum says and looks up,  
”but it's nothing like that time when you threw up in your shoes and then bawled the rest of the night”  
”It was Air Jordans! Brand new ones, i just got them!” Luke exlclaims and when no one even gives so much as a sympathic glance, he yells  
”BRAND NEW AIR JORDANS FOR CHRIST SAKES” while he bangs his fist at the table loudly enough to make people turn around to look at them.  
No one answers him though, they can't, they're to busy trying not to fall to the floor from laughing so hard.

A while later they decide to head home, parting ways outside of Subway with Calum and Micheal going towards the Crooks, and Ashton and Luke downtown.  
”Do you think that you're parents are gonna ask you about today? I mean, it's the first day of our senior year” Michael asks, breaking the silence between them.  
”Probarly not, I bet my dad still thinks it's fucking winter” Calum answers, with a hint of a bitter smile in the corner of his mouth.  
”Yeah, same here”.  
”What do you mean? I thought that your mom was better?” Calum asks and stops walking.  
Michael only shrugs, playing with the hem of his sweater. His mom is doing better, but who knows for how long? Calum doesn't need Michael to tell him that though, he can see it in the red haired boys eyes. Calum swears under his breath and moves forward to hug his best friend.  
”It doesn't matter, fuck them all” Michael says, only a hinter of waver in his voice. Calum says nothing, just sighs and let's him go so they can keep on walking.

When Michael approaches his door, he takes a deep breath and put his hand on the handle. When he enters his house, he notices the silence that means his mother is out. He feels a sense of relief and heads towards the small kitchen where he notice a note on the fridge. _”Working late, make yourself some dinner! /Mom”_. Michael swears and sits down heavily on the floor. He feels disapointted that his mom is not home, he could have used some distraction now, but at the same time he's happy that she's actually working. It wasn't that long time ago that his mom was unemployed and the memories of stacks of unpaid bills is still fresh in his mind. Michael takes a breath and feels a tingly feeling in his chest, a feeling that prickles his fingers. Michael knows that he needs to do something, something to keep his anxiety away and the thoughts from invading his head.

He stands up, turns on the radio and looks through the fridge and the cupboards in search of dinner. It's still early, but the hasn't eaten all day and his stomach grumbles. He finds a pack of bacon, some ramen noodles and some sketchy looking broccoli, which he cooks while singing to the song playing on the radio.

Half an hour later finds Micheal bent over the toilet seat, throwing up everything his dinner. His stomach burns, his head throbbing and his eyes sting with unshed tears. He flushes the toilet before laying down, curled up on the floor. ”Why am I like this” he thinks with tears finally spilling over and rolling down his cheeks. The thoughts in his head echos until they're screaming, rushing and Michael can't do anything else beside cover his ears and closing his eyes.

***

He doesn't know when he fell asleep, or how long his been asleep, when the front door slamming wakes him up. Michael pulls himself up but has to clutch around the porslin sink not to fall again when black spots dances before his eyes. He looks at himself in the mirror, and washes his face, brushes his teeth and exits the bathroom to greet his mother.

”Hi honey, what are you doing up still?” Karen greets her son with a smile while she's unpacking grocery bags on the kitchen table.  
Michael mumbles under his breath while moving to help her. He feels a sense of relief that his mom seems happy and like she's having a good day.  
”How's your day been?” She asks in a happy tone that Michael tries his best to match.  
”Fine, how was yours?”  
Karen smiles and starts talking about her day at the daycare. Micheal smiles, nods and pretends to listen to the stories about the kids and her co-workers but his smiles fades when his eyes land on the bottle sticking out of his mothers handbag.

”And then I said... What are you doing?” Karen interuppts herself when she sees Michael standing with the bottle in his hands.  
”What is this?”  
”Well, what does it looks like? Come on Michael, don't be like this” his mother answers with a nervous giggle.  
”Mom, you don't drink at work, do you?” Michael asks, the nausea he felt earlier resettles in his stomach.  
”Of course not!” Karen exclaims.  
”Then why was this in your bag?”  
”I just bought for this weekend Michael, I can do what I when I'm off”.  
”Yeah but mom, it's half empty”.  
”You know what Michael” Karen says with anger lacing her voice as she grips the bottle ut his hand, ”I can do what the fuck I want! This is none of your concern!”  
”It fucking is when they're firing you for drinking at work! Michael yells back.

The slaps stings and Michael lifts one hand up to caress the now reddening cheek. Karen says nothing, she just turn around and walk to her bedroom, the door slamming close behind her.

”Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Micheal screams in his head while pulling on his hair. The adrenalin combine with the remains of his anxiety makes his heart pump at an alarming rate as he runs into his bedroom, slamming the door shuts. He lift his hand and punches in the wall, over and over again until his knuckles bleed and his unregular breath makes him dizzy.

”Why do I have to be so fucking stupid?” he mumbles to himself as he slowly sinks down on the floor. Michael knows, he knows that if it was a good day before for his mom, it isn't now. Because now his mom is in her room, with a bottle of booze that's gonna be empty soon. He buries his head in his hands and wants to cry, needs to cry, but the tears won't come. He can only feel the white, hot burn of anger cursing through his veins. _”If I hadn't seen the bottle, if I hadn't asked her about it, if I hadn't pushed her, maybe everything would have been alright”_ he thinks angrily.

He feels dizzy of all the thoughts and stands up abruptly to walk over to the full lenght mirror in the corner of his room. Slowly, he pulls of his shirt and his jeans, leaving him only in his boxers as he looks at himself. He looks at his visible ribs, at his sharp hipbones and the lifts his hand to rub over his flat stomach. Half of the time Michael doesn't know what he feels about his body, if he's too skinny or too fat, all he knows is that he is wrong. With a sigh he walks over to his small bed and lays down, covering himself up with blankets and waits for sleep to overtake him. Out in the kitchen, he can still hear the radio playing a Twenty One Pilot song while his eyelides grows heavy.

_”Sometimes you've got to bleed to know,_  
_That you're alive and have a soul,_  
_But it takes someone to come around to show you how.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the grammar is off, english is my second language. No beta, so any and all mistakes are mine.


	2. American Candy

”Come on, go go go!” Ashton yells at the top of his lungs as Luke navigets through the forrest, finally finding the last of the enemies soldiers and killing him of with an impressive headshot. Luke smiles big and turns to look at his friend.  
”Smoke break?”  
Ashton nods and they stand up to make their way out to the back porch. Tired from shouting and the constant adrenaline rush that you get from playing for three hours, they sink down in the chairs and Luke pulls out two cigarettes, handing one out to his friend.

”So, college, what is it like?”  
”It's just the first day but there's alot of new people, like from outside of this town. And it feels kinda different, you know? Like it doesn't matter where you live, you can all be friends either way”  
”Yeah, I can't wait to get to that point. I'm so fucking tired of all the ”keep to your own people” bullshit, you know?”  
”Not like you're doing that anyways” Ashton says with a smile.

They sit for a long time, smoking and talking. That's Lukes favorite thing with Ashton, that there's little to anything they can't talk about. That they can be real and honest to eachother, where most people are too concerned with looking good to have real opinions. Luke is not good at facades, not good at pretending to like some people and dislike others just 'cause he should. He want's to give everyone a chance, want's to be everyones friend.

”I don't know, I feel like big things are going to happen now. Like, it's Calum and Michaels senior year, who know's where they'll be next year? It feels like everything is going to change” Luke says as he stub out his cigarette in the ashtray.  
”Don't worry Luke, whatever's going to happen, they'll be right here. They've always been, right?”  
Ashton lays a hand on Lukes shoulder in a comforting manner, to show that he understand what Luke's hinting at, and Luke can do nothing else but smile at his friend.

***

Two hours later finds Luke all but falling onto the couch. He's alone and tired, but he can't pretend to not feel the hunger stirring in his stomach. Sighing, he takes out his phone to call for pizza, knowing that his father won't be home anytime soon. He never is, Luke can't remember the last time they ate dinner together. It must have been years ago, when his mother and brother still was around and they were a real family. Quickly Luke shakes those thoughts from his head, feeling guilty. He know's that his father does the best that he can, that he works hard so that Luke would never miss anything, so who was he to judge? And yet he can't help but thinking about how nice it would be not to spend another evening alone.

But that's nothing he could ever say to his friends. Luke can't even imagine a conversation with Calum and Michael about how he would give up all the money just to have his father home. _”Yeah no, Calum would absolutely kill me”_ he thinks and smiles to himself, he can just imagine the look at his friends face if he would ever tell them. He knows that he is lucky to be able to have everything he wants, to be able to live in the fancy neighborhood the people call ”the Elite”. Luke hates that, he hates that people make a diffrence between the Elite and the Crooks, like they're better than other people. But he also knows how hard his friends struggles just to have food on the table and clothes on their backs so to be complaining about being privileged is a big no-no. But still...

He's brought out of his thoughts by the doorbell, signaling that the pizza have arrived. He collects it and goes into the kitchen to sit by the kitchen bar. Luke pulls out his phone and connects his spotify to the all around soundsystem of the house, putting on The Maine while opening his pizza carton.

” _From all the sugar  
And all the sweetness  
This little sweet tooth  
It is your weakness __”_

Luke feels how inch by inch, the loneliness slowly creeps away. That's why he loves music, it can make you forget everything for awhile and just let you be. When he finished his pizza his mood is much brighter and he makes his way to the livingroom just as his phone starts ringing.

”What's up Calum?” Luke answers with a grin.  
”I just found out that the summer's end bash is at the cabins this year!”  
Luke feels how the mention of the annual high school party makes his grin wider.  
”Wow, that's like an hour out of town?”  
”Yeah no worries, I got Chris to drive us and to get the booze. I texted Mikey about it, but he hasn't answered me yet. I'm actually kinda worried about him.”  
”Why?”  
”I don't know, I just got a feeling. He seems more on edge, you know?” Calum says with a sigh, worry clear in his voice.  
”I'm gonna try and call him” Luke says, ”I see you tomorrow OK?”  
”OK, see you” Calums says and hangs up.

Immediately, Luke turns of the music and dials Michaels number.  
”Yeah?” a tired voice answers.  
”Mikey? What's up?”  
”Sleeping.”  
”Sleeping? Are you OK? It's only like, eight o'clock”  
”Mm”  
"Mikey?”

No answer. Luke sighs and hangs up. He tries to tell himself that Michael is probably just tired and decided on an early night, but he can't stop thinking about what could be wrong. Knowing that it's little that he can do about it now though, Luke turns the tv on and starts a How I Met Your Mother marathon, in hopes of getting a few laughs to distract him from the worry setting in his stomach.

***

The front door slamming shut wakes Luke up a few hours later.

”Sorry kid” his father, Andrew, says when he realized he'd woken up his son.  
”S'kay dad, long day?” Lukes asks while he sits up, rubbing his eye from sleep.  
”Yeah, tell me about it. How about yours? First day of Junior year!”  
”It was shit” Luke says with a grin and Andrew punches him playfully in the shoulder while taking his tie of.  
Andrew works as a CEO at a big company, which means long hours and few days off, but whenever he can, he makes sure to sit down with his son to talk.

Luke feels like he can talk with his father about everything, they have a great relationship even though the amount of time they spend togheter is ridiculous low. Still, Andrew is always open minded and never judges Luke for anything he has to say, which often leads into deep conversation that last a little too late, considering it being a school night. Luke would never complain about being tired though, he loves these moments that he gets to have with his dad and wouldn't change it for anything. _”We have come a long way”_ Luke thinks and smiles.

* * *

**Calum.**

_”Fucking Michael”_ Calum thinks angrily while he is runs to school with just a few minutes left until he's officially late. He'd spent twenty minutes pounding on Michaels front door with no answer, resulting in him being late. Calum didn't do late, he never was. When he sees the school he slows down, not wanting to go into the class with a sweaty face. Quickly, he checks his outfit in the reflection in the mirror of a parked car, he's wearing a red button up shirt with black skinny jeans, as usual, and his only par of black converses. He drags a hand through his thick, black hair and sighs as the curls refuses to do as he wants. It's important for Calum to look good, it's another way where he distance himself from the others teen of his neighborhood – by putting in some effort in his look, to be presentable. Now, Calum loves Michael to a fault, but he could never dress like him. People give Michael one look and knows that he's from the Crook, and while that doesn't concern Michael, it gives Calum an uneasy feeling in his gut. He want's to be seen as someone, to be known as someone, and that can't be if people will be able to tell where he comes from.

Calum shakes his head to clear away the thoughts, he doesn't have time for this. He takes one last look at himself, raises his head and makes his way to school, trying to feel as confident as he manages to look.

***

”When death, when will you come for me?” Calum mutters under his breath. He's sitting in his math class and is about ready to throw his books, scream really loud and flip the table, just to do anything to get out of here. The fact that they have a double period and Michael isn't there makes Calum ready to kill himself, or someone else, just out of pure boredom. After Calum checks his phone, only to discover that it's been only ten minutes since last time, he can help but groan out loud, getting a angry glance from his teacher. He's not worried about that though, the teachers rarely gives him trouble since Calum is one of the top students of his class.

Finally, finally, the bell rings and Calum makes his way out of the classroom and out to the back of the school. He breathes in deeply, as a free man just getting out of prison, and looks around. Right infront of him is the small soccer field with old, rusty bleachers, it's where most people goes between classes when the sun makes it too hot to stay inside.

Suddenly, Calum hears someone shouting his name and he looks towards the bleachers opposite to the soccer field where Lukes is running, waving his arms. Calum can't help but laugh at the sight of his friend, stumbling and nearly falling over his own feet as he pushes through people and making them turn around and stare at him.

”CalPal!” Luke shouts and throws his arms around his friend.  
”I've told you not to call me that”  
”Don't be like that, it's cute! Come on, sit down with me” Luke says and pulls Calum down on the grass.  
He takes out two cigarettes, giving one to Calum and lighting his own.  
”So, why the grumpy face?” he asks and handing the lighter over.  
”Math” Calum sighs and Luke looks at him, sympathy clear in his face.  
”I feel that, my day sucks too. There's a new girl in my class and she thinks she's fucking Madonna or something”  
”What do you mean?”  
”Well, she's pretty and rich and from the Elite. Do I need to say anything more?” Luke says with a grimace.  
Calum smiles at his friend and pats his knee, he knows that there's nothing Luke hates more than arrogant people.  
”But let's not talk about that, are you looking forward to the summer's end bash?” Luke quickly changes the subject and looks expectantly at his dark haired friend.  
”Not really” Calum answes and Luke gasps.  
”Well, we can't have that! It's your senior year! Your last summer's end bash! You need to get PUMPED!”

Before Calum can react, Luke is standing up and pulling out a portable speaker to his iphone from his bag and soon enough there's loud music playing.  
”Come on, GET UP YOU LAZY FUCKS!” Luke screams at the people sitting around them, looking confused.  
Calum can't help but laugh out loud as Luke runs around, pulling people up, shouting ”shake it 'til you break it because that's what you do when Queen Swift plays JONAHTHAN GET BACK UP RIGHT NOW”. Soon enough, there's a full out dance off, and even though Luke falls more than he dances, he still get's applauds and wolf calls all around.

” _But I keep cruising_  
_Can't stop, won't stop grooving_  
 _It's like I got this music_  
 _In my mind_  
 _Saying, "It's gonna be alright."_

”What the fuck is this?” Someone swears right next to Calum.  
”Fuck, Michael, you scared me! Where the hell have you've been?”  
Michael says nothing, just smiles a small smile and lights up a cigarette. They watch the dance off in silence, smiles on their faces at the sight of their blonde friend completly losing himself in the music – even though his rythm is really nothing to talk about. Eventually, the songs end with people cheering and clapping, and Luke turns around and locks eyes with Micheal.

”MIKEY!” he throws his arms around his red haired friend with an alarming speed, almost sending them crashing to the ground, before Calum manages to catches them, steadying Michael with hands on his shoulders.  
”Where have you've been? I missed you! And you missed the sickest dance off ever!”  
Michael just shrugs and looks away.  
Judging from the glance Luke gives Calum, he knows that something is up, but both of them also knows better than to press Michael for more.  
”Did you see my text about the bash? I'm gonna get booze of Chris after school, you need some to?” Calum says, changing the subject.  
”Nah” Michael says while stomping out his cigarette with the heel of this black boots, ”Mum got some vodka I'm sure she won't miss”  
Calum hears the underlying edge of his tone and looks at his friend, but Michael quickly everts his eyes and puts on his sunglasses. Calum sighs to himself, but decides to leave it, if something's up, it'll come up sooner or later.

Soon enough Michael and Calum has to head back in for class. They sit together at the back of the class, Michael with his head on the table and Calum taking notes of whatever the teacher is writing on the board. It doesn't take long before he looks out the window and let his mind wander. He doesn't really care about the classes, or about learning the subjects, the only reason Calum is a straight A student is because of his desperate need to get away. To get a scholarship, to move to a diffrent town, to diffrent people. He has this feeling of being stuck in a life that has no room for him and he can't stop but feeling like there should be _more_. More than the neighborhood his from, more than the rivalry amongst ”his people” and the people from other areas. More than graduating only to get stuck at a dead-end job. He should be something more.

He thinks about his sister, how she got away to study fashion at a college in a big city across the country. He misses her, but understands why she left and understands even more why she never comes back, not even for the holidays. _”Like there's much comming back to either way”_ he thinks bitterly. He envys her life and how she got a shot to make something out of it, a shot he wants it to. _”But not without Mikey or Luke”_ , Calum thinks after looking over at his best friend. They're the only people he cares about left in the city, his only real friends. Sure,he knows alot of people and is well liked enough, but that's mostly because they're afraid to do anything but respect him. Calums way of adapting makes him intimidating and most of the people at school can't really decide how to treat him. His effort of being something diffrent, the refusal to mold into the stereotype the Crooks has given him, makes people uneasy and keeps them on their toes. And Calum intends to keep it that way. Michael on the other hand is the living breathing example of someone from their area, a burn out, a bummer, a loser. But whether or not Michael wants to make something out of himself, Calum is not leaving him behind.

”Don't you have any food with you?”  
Michael just shrugs his shoulder and Calum sighs. It's lunch time and they're sitting in the cafetaria, Calum just biting into his turkey sandwich when he noticed how his friend was just sitting there.  
”Here, take that. No,” he says when Michael open his mouth to disagree, ”you have to. We have gym after this and I'm not gonna let you get out there with out eating at least something.”  
Michael stares at the apple given by Calum, and then looks away, shoving no signs of taking it.  
”Mikey, please”.  
They stare at eachother before Michael gives in and starts eating the apple while Calum smiles at him. This is not the first time Michael is fuzzy with foods, it's a thing that comes and goes. _”Which means, Karen has most likely fallen of the wagon”_ , Calum thinks but he knows better then to ask. He knows that if he where to ask, Michael would open up and tell him about what's going on, they rarely lie to eachother. But Calum also knows that his best friend is sensitive and that it's better letting Michael open up on his own that forcing him to admit to things he's not ready to share yet.

***

The sun is shining and even though it's near autumn, the air is warm with the last of the summer, stubbornly refusing to leave. It's nearly enough to make him want to join most of his fellow classmates in the shadows by the bleachers, but he can't do that. No, Calum needs an A in every single class and if that means getting dirty and sweaty, than so be it. That and because he just barely got Michael in the locker room, destroying all his plans about skipping, so he can't really be a hypocrite. Suddenly, someone is shoving at his shoulders and he turns around locking his eyes with a certain blonde haired boy.

”Don't you ever have class?”  
”Teacher's sick” Luke says while playing with his lipring, ”where's Mikey?”  
”You didn't honestly think that he would play soccer, did you?”  
”Well no, but it would have been fun watching him running around like a lost puppy”  
”You mean more likely falling, that guy can't shoot a ball and run at the same time to save his life”  
Calum says and Luke laughs. The smiles on their faces dissapears though when they hear the voice of someone standing to their left side.  
”Playing by yourself huh, Calum? Guess Loserboy can't even afford playing at this low class field” Jason, a classmate and one of the Elite, says with a smirk.  
Calum makes a move towards him when an arm around his waist stops him.  
”Don't, he's not worth it”

Calum takes a deep breath, knowing that Luke is right and that a confrontation won't solve anything. Still, hearing someone talking like that about his friend makes his blood boil.  
”I'm gonna make him regret it” Calum says under his breath as the teachers divides them into teams.  
”Go at it, tiger” Luke smacks his butt before running off, eager to get to the bleacher and watch what he knows will be an epic soccer game.

Jason lays face down on the field within the first five minutes of the game.

***

”Damn, you fight ugly” Luke says as he gives Calum the waterbottle after the game is over, Calums team coming out as the winners, of course.  
Calum smiles and drinks the water eagerly before opening up the cap and pouring some on his head, shaking it off like a dog and making Luke throw his hands up to protect his precious quiff.  
”Well, he shouldn't forget who he's talking to”  
”Wow, Ok then dear Godfather”  
”Shut up”, Calum says and throws the now empty bottle at Luke, ”I meant that i'm from the Crooks. If there's something I know, it's revange and playing dirty”.  
Luke picks up the bottle from the ground and hands it to his dark eyed friend, looking him in the eye.  
”I know, and he deserved it. No one should talk about people like that”, he says with a serious voice.  
Calum smiles at his friend, Luke is really one of the nicest people he knows, and the least confrontational. He never says a bad thing about anyone and does his best to pass no judgements, something that Calum often envies since he more often than he likes to admit, blows up at the smallest things. Especially when it comes to friends.  
”I'm gonna get Mikey and get out of here, you're gonna come with?”  
”Sure”, Luke answers and hops down the bleachers, ”I can afford to skip a few classes”  
”Sure you can, rich boy” Calum answers, but with no real heat in his tone, reaching out to ruffle Lukes hair which makes the younger boy squeak and retaliate by kicking at the older boys shin.

Soon, a wrestling fight breaks out between them and they're rolling around at the ground, Luke's expensive clothes be damned. _”Yeah”_ , Calum thinks as he watches the happy careless smile on his friends face, _”I wish I was more like him”_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this was late, i had a shitty weekend. Pls comment what you think xx


	3. Misery

* * *

**Michael**.

He can feel how the sweat runs down his back, his face, even his legs. His heart is pounding and he's having a hard time breathing. _”Don't you want to try some soccer? Everyone want's you to be included”_ his gymteacher had said, worry in his eyes. Since two years back, Michael had out right refused to attend the gymclasses, he just couldn't deal with everyone watching him panting and heaving as he tried, and failed, to keep up. Fortunately for him, the teacher had been understanding and made a deal; as long as Michael showed up and worked out in the schools small gym, he would pass the class. 

So that's how Michael finds himself running on a treadmill, keeping his eyes on the way his feets pick up and stomps down almost by it's own accord. Michael absolutely hates working out, hates how his face matches his red hair as soon as he pushed himself just the tiniest bit. But, he also hates how he looks. His arms, his stomach, his thighs. Nearing the point of passing out, Michael turns the speed down and goes from full out running to a jog, to a walk. When he finally stops and stands still, he can't do anything else then grasping the controlpanel of the machine to keep his legs from giving out, he puts his head down low and tries to catch his breath. The music in his ears are drowning out the harsh pounding of his heart and he tries to focus on Good Charlotte's lyrcis until the spots infront of his eyes disappear.  

” _Don't you know that misery loves company_  
_Yeah, I heard that misery was lookin' for me_  
_Happiness is a place that don't look good on me_  
_Yeah, I hope that misery comes lookin' for me”_

After a few minutes, Michael takes a deep breath and hops to the treadmill to walk over and take out a jumping rope. Even though his legs are begging him to stop, he keeps jumping at a fast speed and is so involved in the music pounding through his ears that he doesn't hear his name's being called. When he suddenly sees a shadow of a person in the corner of his eyes, he flinches so hard That he falls to the floor, legs tangled in the jumping rope. Quickly, Michael takes out his ear buds and looks up angirly

”What the fuck?!”  
”Sorry, we tried to call your name but you couldn't hear us” Calum says with a sheepish smile while Luke is standing behind him, trying to cover up his own smile with his hands.  
”Fuck you guys” mutters Michael, feeling both like laughing at himself and being embarrassed.  
”Come on, let me help you up” Calum reaches his hand out and pull Michael of the floor.  
”Jesus Mike, what are doing, preparing for a marathon?”  
”Shut up” Michael says and shoves lightly and Calum, definitely embarrassed now by being a sweaty, panting idiot while his friends look like freaking models.  
”Don't be like that kitten, it's just not healthy working oneself to the bone when you're as skinny as you are” Luke says, stepping up to him.

Michael doesn't know how to answer that, even though Luke is still smiling, Michael can hear the undertone and he doesn't like it.  
”I've told you not to call me that”, Michael chooses the easy way out.  
Luke flings and arm over his shoulder and bumps their heads together  
”Come on, let's get you two smelly fuckers into the shower and then we can get the fuck out of here, OK?”  
Michael can't stop the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ” _Damn him”_ he thinks as they head towards the locker rooms.

***

Calum and Luke talks the whole way downtown and Michael is barely able to keep up. He feels tired, dizzy and warm in his black jeans and hoodie. He's in the middle of nodding to whatever the fuck Calum just said, when the black spots reappears in front of his eyes and he gets wobbly on his feet. It takes a few seconds for his friends to realize that Michael has stopped walking beside them.  
”Michael? What's up?”  
”Shit, I think he's...” is all Michael can hear of his friends worried voices, before he feels himself fall and hands grabbing onto his arms. 

Michael startles awake, his body is trembling and it's takes a while for him to realize that he's lying on the ground, his head in someone lap. Michael groans and closes his eyes, feeling embarrassed that he fainted. 

”Don't close your eyes, kitten”  
He can feel soft fingers running through his hair and Michael takes a deep breath, smiling contently.  
”Stop it” Michael says half-heartedly.  
He turns his head and looks directly into the dark, worried eyes of his best friend. Calum says nothing, just hands him a can of soda and helps him sit up to take a sip. Michael cringes at the taste of all the suger entering his mouth, but understands that arguing would just turn his friend from worried to pissed off.

”Mikey, did you eat today?”  
He nods.  
”Beside that apple?”  
Michael look at his friend and shakes his head, barely visible.  
”For fucks sakes Mike”  
Calums voice is hard as he stands up abbruptly, running a hand through his hair. Michael follows him, keeping quiet with his eyes locked at his feet. He hates this, hates that he always upsets his friends. And Michael can't stand it, can't stand the sad frown that he knows is on Lukes face or Calums dark eyes never leaving his face. ” _Worry_ _eyes_ ” Michael thinks, ” _the_ _eyes_ _Cal always has when I'm fucking up”_. He startles out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder.  
”Come on”, Calum says, nudging a bit until he starts walking.

***

”Feeling better?”  
Michael just nods. The three of them ended up at a McDonalds, Calum all but forced him to get something to eat. Michael had tried to say that he was broke, which wasn't a lie, but got quickly shut down by Luke waving money at his face. He wanted to be annoyed at his friends, but the feeling of appreciation and guilt for worrying them stopped him.  
”I'm fine, I just fainted because I worked out too hard” Michael mutters.  
It's sounds like a lie, almost taste like a lie and he winces under the pressure of Calums heavy stare.  
”I didn't mean to, OK? It was just a stupid mistake”, he says.

Calum keeps on staring and Michael taps his finger against the table, trying to look anywhere but at the dark haired boy infront of him. The thing is, Michael lies all the time to everyone, except Calum. Why, he doesn't know, it's something about his friend that makes him want to open up and spill voice every thought his ever had. But Michael didn't know what happend, what he was thinking. Yes, he hated his body most of the time. Yes, he had trouble eating. But did he mean to wear himself out to the point of fainting? He honestly didn't know.

Luke, ever the peace maker and hating everything close to a confrontation, quickly changes the subject.  
”Did you hear about Zayn?”  
”Doniyas brother?” Calum asks.  
”Yeah, he got cought last night, for dealing.”  
”Shit” Michael breaths.  
It's not that uncommon, drugs being a regular thing in their neighborhood. But Zayn was an Elite, and even though they weren't shy of using, they never went any further than that. It was rarely talked about in general.  
”Yeah, it's wierd to think about, right? It's like a proper scandal.”

They sit in silence for a while, each one of them trapped in their own thoughts. It doesn't last long though.  
”That's Chris”, Calum says looking up from his phone, ”he's got the booze. You wanna come with?”  
”Yeah, sure” Luke says, getting up from his seat.  
”I think I'm gonna go home for a bit” Michael says as he shakes his head.  
”You OK?” Calum says, looking at him again with those worried eyes of his.  
”Yeah, just tired. See you later though?”

The other two nods and soon enough Michael is alone on his way home. Right now, he can't think about the party later tonight, he can barely keep his legs walking. He feels tired, heavy, like something is pushing him down and he can't wait to go home to sleep. He hopes that his mother is having a good day, that's she's not angry at him anymore. But those hopes soon disappears when he open his front door to the sound of loud music and even louder voices. 

* * *

 

 **Luke**.

”Thank you for this Chris” Calum said as he took the bags with several bottles in them.  
”That's alright kid, just take it easy, yeah?”

Chris puts a hand on Calums shoulder, squeezing it. Luke only nods at him, narrowing his eyes as Chris goes in to hug Calum. It's not that Chris isn't a nice enough guy, he did get them alcohol, but Luke didn't like how he looked at his friend. And besides that, Chris is old enough to have graduated college, if he would have gone, and the hand on Calums back are slowly moving down causes a feeling of irritation to stir in Luke.  
”Yes, thank you, we should go now, bye!” Luke says quickly, grabbing the arm of his friend.

”What was that?” Calum asks a few minutes later.  
”Please,” Luke rolls his eyes, ”he was fucking all over you”  
”Well, he did do us a favour”  
”Oh? So you should pay him with your body then?” Lukes says angrily.  
”Wow calm down dude” Calum says, stopping Luke with a hand on his arm.  
Luke, being way too polite for his own good, mumbles out an apology.  
”I just don't like guys behaving like that”  
”Aw, look who's being a proper gentlemen trying to protect my virtue”  
Luke snorts loudly, ”what fucking virtue?”  
”Hey, shut up” Calum just laughs and slings an arm over his shoulders as they continue walking.

They keep walking until they reach Calums house and Luke already feels anxious. He never knows how to deal with Calums parents and have only been into his house a few times. The house is so different from his own, could probably fit ten times over, but the biggest difference where how the people living there behaves.

”Hi dad” Calum says as they walk into the livingroom.  
David is sitting at the couch, sketching or writing something in a big, leather bound book. He doesn't answer, barely acknowledge them and Luke wonder if he even heard his son. Calum just sighs and nods to Luke that they should head upstairs. Calum open up his wardrobe and picks out an outfit that he puts in a bag, and soon they're off again. This time, Calum doesn't even bother with saying goodbye before slamming the door after them.

Luke studys his friend out of the corner of his eye. He can't imagine what it's like not being friends with your parents, not even talking to them. Luke's own father is his very best friend and he feels sad knowing that Calum doesn't know and share that feeling. But he knows better than to ask about it, knows that it will only cause Calum to be mad, to clam up. _”What's the point in talking? It's not going to change anything”_ he had once said and well, that was it. Calum often comes a cross as a cold hearted and douchy, but Luke knows is just because he doesn't deal with emotions. There were many similarites between Calum and an Elite, and while his friend does everything he can visually to not be like the typical Crook, his attitude screamed of something else. The people Luke grew up with only cared about money, status and making sure that they where above everyone else. They never learned about kindness and compassion. That wasn't Calum. Calum didn't deal well with emotions because no one ever taught him how, but he didn't deal with other peoples bullshit either like an Elite did. If Calum didn't care, he made damn sure you knew it. 

 _”Which means that if he cares, he makes sure you knows that as well”_ Luke thinks, thinking about all the times that Calum had stood up for him at parties where Luke didn't fit in. Where Luke, despite him generally being well-liked, rarely got through a party at the Crooks without an ugly remark being thrown his way. 

And it shows yet again, as the boys gets near Michaels house and hear the pounding music through the walls. He makes his way to the front door and quickly pulled it open, walking through without any hesitation and Luke stumbles along to follow him. The house is filled with cigarette smoke, and a stench of alcohol and Luke felt sick as they reached Michaels room.

Inside, he could see his friend sitting criss crossed on the bed, looking down.  
”Kitten”, Luke says and sits down next to him.  
Michael don't say anything, just keep starring down at his hands. Luke gently places two fingers under his chin, making Michaels red rimmed eyes look into his own blue.  
”Come with us” Luke said gently and Michael nodded.  
They got up and Calum handed Michael the bag he had packed for him with a sad smile, nods towards the door and leads the way. They can hear laughs and loud cheers coming from the living room and Luke wants nothing more than to just get out, his hand holding tightly around Michaels.

”Hey kid! Where are you going? Thought you where gonna party it up with us!” A man yells, coming towards them from the livingroom, a bottle of whiskey in his hand.  
When they don't answer, the man reached out and took a hold of Michaels arm.  
”Hey kid, I'm talking to you!”  
”Get the fuck off him!” Calum said angrily, pushing the man off while standing infront of Michael and Luke.  
”What the fuck is your problem, man?” The man looks at Calum with eyes that measure him up.

The man wasn't much taller, but broader and heavier, and Luke felt slightly paniced. He absolutely hated confrontations, and even though he was the tallest of them, he felt very, very small. Calum on the other hand, did not back down. Instead he got in the mans face, lowly grumbling something that made the man back off.  
”Fine, calm down kid, I didn't mean any harm”, he huffed and walked away.  
Calum didn't say anything, just took the bag from Michaels hands and walked out of the front door. And was again, Luke felt in awe of his friend who so quickly stood to their defense without even thinking about it. _”Yeah”,_ Luke thinks to himself, _”he's definitly not an Elite”_.

***

They decide on ordering in some pizza when they get to Lukes, and even Michael is eating without a complaint. Luke should feel happy about it, but instead he can't when his friend looks so sad. He hates that Michaels mother never can do anything with moderate, never can party without drinking to heavily, without losing control. It's like she doesn't even notice what it's doing to her son, like she can't see how he curls in on himself and how sad and tired his eyes looks. But Luke can, Luke sees every tremble, hears every shuddered breath and he hates it. 

 _”Fuck it,”_ he thinks and throws down his pizza harsher than he means too, tomato sauce flying everywhere, which causes his friends look at him with confused expressions.  
”Fuck it”, he says out load this time, ”we're going to the summer bash, I've been looking forward for this all day and I will not let anything change that”.  
Without another word, he starts his spotify list, scrolling down until he can find the right song.

”No!” Pratically screams Calum as he recognizes the song.  
”Yes!” Luke screams back as he pulls both of them up from the couch, ”we're gonna sing, we're gonna dance and we're gonna be fucking happy about it!” he says as he looks into Michaels eyes.  
Michael doesn't say anything, just looks thoughtfully back at him, but when the chorus starts, he open his mouth and sings along.

 _"My loneliness is killing me (and I)_  
_I must confess, I still believe (still believe)_  
_When I'm not with you I lose my mind_  
_Give me a sign_  
_Hit me, baby, one more time"_

Calum and Luke ends up acting back up dancers to Michaels Britney Spears and when he sees the smile on his red haired friend, he can't do anything else but smile back. He looks over to Calum, acting carefree and silly with his hip moves that would put any girl to shame. _”This is it_ ”, he thinks, ” _this is how it should always be”._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so idk anything about high school and i shift between english and american enligsh all the time so, oops. Pls tell me what you think xx


	4. How to Fly

**Calum.**

* * *

Calum looks at himself in the mirror and he likes what he sees, the simple black long sleeved shirt paired with his black skinny jeans makes him look broader, more manly than usual. His wavy hair turns up to the left in a slight quiff and his skin is, for once, completely spotless. 

”Are you ready yet? This is taking for fucking ever” he hears Michael yell from downstairs.  
Calum chuckles to himself and, after a last glance in the mirror, he exits the guestroom which will be his and Michaels for the night. Once in the livingroom, he sees his best friend sitting on the couch nursing a beer.

”Fucking finally, let's do some shots!”  
”Calm down Mike, let's wait for Luke, where is he?” Calum says as he sits down next to his friend.  
Michael scoffs and rolls his eyes.  
”His majesty is not yet ready to grace us with his presence”.  
Calum smiles, Luke is a master at taking his time with everything, mostly when it comes to his looks. _”That kid got too many clothes”_ he thinks to himself while watching amusingly how Michael bounces of the couch and hurries into the kitchen. It doesn't take long before he comes back with a bottle and three shot glasses.

"Luke, hurry your royal fucking ass up!” Michael screams while filling the glasses with clear liquid to the brim.  
He gives one to Calum before knocking one back himself, ready to refill them as soon as Calum puts his empty glass back down.  
”Easy, you don't want to get shitfaced tonight, do you?”  
”Oh, I don't?” Michael answers with a wink.  
Calum doesn't answer, but the look on his face makes Michael sigh and put down the bottle. Calum do like to drink, and is no stranger to waking up in wierd places with no recollection of how he got there, but if he's honest he doesn't want to put up with a too drunk, too sad Michael tonight. It doesn't take long until Luke makes his great entrance, walking down the stairs like a girl before prom. Calum and Michael cheers and whistles.

”What do you think, guys?” The blonde ask while doing a spin, showing of his red and black flannel and amazingly tight skinny jeans. The dark leather jacket, high quiff and lip piercing makes him look casual, but still like he put some effort in.  
”Fantastic”  
”Outstanding”  
”Like a walking sex God”  
”Like sex on a very, very long stick”  
”Like a god damn, unearthly, Beyoncé like goddess”  
Michaels last comment makes the boys on the couch clutch their stomach from laughter and if Luke detecs their sarcasm, he doesn't let it show, just smiles widely and clasp his hands infront of his chest.

”What about the jacket though? It doesn't make me look like a poser, does it?” He asks, biting down on his lip ring in worry.  
”Oh my fucking god, you look great Luke! Can we please just get out of here before we die of old age?” Michael exclaims while throwing himself down dramatically on the couch.  
”Sorry babe, not all of us can work the sex, drugs and rock'n'roll look” Luke says while waving a hand at Michaels outfit that consist of a light grey tank top and a pair of black jeans that are more ripped than whole.  
”Yeah well, I am fucking punk rock”  
Calum can see how his friends cheeks turn a light shade of pink, but says nothing as he follows Michael to the front door, smiling at the wink Luke sends him.

***

Thirty minutes later, the three friends finally gets of the buss with several other people from their school, heading towards a small area filled with cabins. Or, as Calum thinks to himself, _”fucking timbered palaces”._ The mood amongst the people walking along the small road is happy and Calum wonders how it must look to an outsider – a bunch of teenagers dressed to party it up in the middle of the forrest on a school night.

”Seems like all the juniors and seniors is here” Michael says as he scans the crowd.  
Calum nods. The summer end's bash is a tradition that always takes place during the terms first week. How it started and when, nobody knows, but it's been going on for so long that none of the teachers even reacts when almost all the junior and seniors years are missing at a random day on the first week, too hangover to bother with school. The party is always at diffrent locations and often held by one of the Elites, since they have the money and the space to hold such a big event, and it's one of the few time where people can mix and hang out regardles of where they live. For the last two years the Payne sisters have been hosting the party but since they've graduated their little brother, Liam, will get his chance to prove himself by creating a party that people will be talking about months from now.

”I heard he bribed the neighbors to not call the police” Luke says as they walk along.  
”Really? That's kinda impressive”  
”Yeah, and apparently he hired some private guards to keep everything from going to shit”  
”Well fuck, it sounds like this is gonna be one hell of a night” Michael says, grinning widely at his friends.  
Calum agrees and feel the promises of an amazing night surrounds them. Soon enough, a cabinstyled mansion appears infront of them and the pounding music reaches their ears. Without a word, Michael takes a hold of each of his friends hands and together they run over the yard.

***

” _I put the breaks off and I ride_ _  
__Whatever takes us to get high_ _  
__I chase the devil into the sky_ _  
__Cause he's the one who taught me_ _  
__How to fly”_

Hours later, the house is filled with smoke, the smelly combination of sweat and vomit and drunken teenagers trying to grind to the very un-grindly music by Sticky Fingers. Calums sits in a corner, too high from the joint earlier to care about how the beer spilled earlier on the floor seeps into his jeans. He feels relaxed and something close to happiness and the small smile on his face hasn't left for God knows how long. He lost Michael seconds after entering the house and Luke has been flying around the three storey house, busy socialising with anyone and everyone. Calum doesn't mind though, he's not really that into big parties. He can't relax like Michael can or talk to people the same way as Luke can. Not that people don't want to talk to him, many tries and all of them fail. Calum is a good actor, great even, expect for when it comes to people he can't stand, no matter how many drinks he's got going in his system. So, more often than not, he finds himself alone waiting for it all to end.

One of the many drinks of the night proves to be too much and Calum feels how a wave of nausea erupts from his stomach. Quickly, he scrambles of the floor and heads to the bathroom. When the one on the first floor proves to be occupied, he runs up the stairs and all but throws the bathroom door shut behind him. The vomit burns in his throat as he bends over the toilet and the tiles feels cool under his knees. When he's done, he flushes the toilet and stands to look at himself in the mirror. For once, he doesn't like what he sees. His eyes are bloodshot and his hair a mess, dark curls all over the place. He sighs and bends over the sink to rinse out his mouth, and that's when he hears the door open.

”Fuck off, it's taken” Calum says to who ever opened the door, not even bother to look.  
He startles violently when a hard body presses up against his back, hands gripping his hips.  
”Well, you aren't babe, not yet”  
The nausea returns and Calum can literally feel how his blood turns to ice in his vains. He snaps his head up and look into the mirror, taking in the all too familiar face.

”What the fuck do you want, Harry?”  
The tall boy behind him just smiles and turns Calum around.  
”You know what I want” he whispers as he starts to kiss up Calums neck, hands traveling all over his body.  
Calum stands frozen with hands hanging limply along his body. He can't breathe, can't think properly. His hit with an awful feeling of déja vu and he's afraid he'll vomit all over the place if he opens his mouth.

”I saw you running up the stairs and god, I just couldn't help myself” Harry says as he starts to palm Calum through his jeans.  
”Please, don't” Calums voice sounds even weak and pathetic to himself.  
”Come on babe, I know you want it” Harry grins like a wolf and slowly pops the button of Calums jeans.

Suddenly, there's a bang and the unlocked bathroom door flies up as Luke barges in, a drink in his hand. He stands shocked still for a moment, taking the scene in, before he drop the glass in his hand, accompanied with a high pitched ”what the fuck” and rushes forward to pull Harry off of Calum. 

”Get your fucking hands off him” Luke yells in the taller boys face, pushing him against the wall.  
”Hey you got to wait until it's your turn, he's mine first” Harry says, never dropping his wolf grin.  
”You're fucking sick Styles, touch him again and it'll be the last thing you do” Luke sneers in his face.  
”Yeah, is that so?”  
”Yeah”, Luke nods, voice turned ice cold.  
Harry doesn't say anything, but pushes Luke away from him and before anyone has a chance to react, raises a fist that comes crashing down in Lukes face. The blonde boy makes a suprised, hurt sound before he falls to the floor.

Thats all it takes for Calum to get out of his coma like state, the sight of his friend taking a hit being enough to make a hot, dark rage take over his body and he throws himself at Harry. They shove, hit and wrestle eachother until they fly out the room and into the corridor. Harry ends up on top of Calum, hitting him once in the jaw before the younger boy manages to flip them over and send a fist on his own crashing right into Harrys nose that makes a cracking sound.

”HEY! What's going on?” a guy yells as he comes running down the corridor. He stops when he reaches the two boys lying on the floor and rips Calum up by his collar, pushing him against the wall.  
”Niall, no! You got the wrong guy” Luke shouts as he comes out of the bathroom and sees what's going on.  
”Luke?” The older boy, working as a guard, says as he looks at the blond boy, ”your eye is swelling up, who hurt you?”  
 Luke doesn't answer, just points at Harry that's still lying on the ground. It's a proof of how well-liked Luke is when the guard doesn't even question anything, just lets Calum go and instead takes a deathgrip around Harrys upperarm, dragging him up.

”Did ye fucking hurt Luke, ye fucking cunt?” He growls at Harry who still manages to look calm and collected.  
”He got in the way” he simply says.  
”That's it, you're a dead man” Niall says as he slams Harry into the wall, lifting up his fist.  
”No Niall, it's fine please, just get him out of here” Luke plea. He never could stand the sight of violence.  
Niall looks at him, then shrugs his shoulders.  
”It's yer lucky day buddy, if it was up to me you would be leaving in a body bag”.  
Harry doesn't answer this time, knowing he lost, just looks over at Calum who leans heavily at the opposite wall. As he's getting dragged out, Harry sends a smile and winks in his direction. At the same time, Liam comes running up to them.

”I heard it was a fight, whats going on?”  
”Whats going on is that some fucker who doesn't even go to our school tried to fucking hurt my friend” Luke almost yells at him, the adrenaline still flowing high.  
”I don't know how that happend but I will look into it, are you guys alright?”  
”Yeah we're fine” Calum says quickly before Luke has the chance, ”just get him out of here, will you?”  
”Yeah sure” Liam says with a nod, brown eyes looking worried, ”just don't tell everyone OK? It would be bad rep”  
”We won't” Calum says and drags Luke down the corridor, knowing that his blonde friend is about to snap.

”Fucking dickhead, only caring about the partys reputation” Luke swears before turning to his friend, ”you OK?”  
”Yeah, you?”  
”Yeah. What did he do, he didn't hurt you, did he?” Luke says worriedly.  
”Nah, I'm fine. He was just being an asshole”.  
”Cal..”  
Calum shakes his head, trying to push the nasuea go away and keeps his slightly shaking hands in his pockets.  
”I'm fine, let's just find Michael and get out of here, yeah?”  
Luke looks at him questionly, but knows better than to probe, so he just nods.

Just as they ascend from the stairs, they hear a loud, angry shout followed by a hollow, sarcastic laugh. With one look at each other, they both think the same thing:  _”what has Michael done now?”_

* * *

  **Michael.**

” _Fucking typical_ ” Michael thinks as he slowly backs away from the angry guy infront of him. The hot, blonde chick he found earlier turns out to have a boyfriend, something she didn't relay until after Michael had fucked her brains out. Of course she got away quickly enough, leaving him standing alone as they got caught right outside the bedroom they'd been using. ”Why do I always get the ones with the crazy moron boyfriends?” he thinks as he does his best to smile calmly. 

”Look buddy, she didn't say anything about being taken”  
”I'm not your fucking buddy and EVERYONE knows that we're together” the guys roars and his friends standing at the back nods in agreement.  
”Well, I didn't _bud_. And why do I get the blame when it's not my fucking fault?” Michael says and sighs deeply.  
”I don't know what the fuck you did, but Laura...”  
”Oh, so THATS her name!” Michael says loudly, ”I was getting tired of referring to her as ”hot cumslut”” he smiles.  
”Listen here you little shit”, the guy steps forward and wraps a hand around Michaels upperarm.

Now, Michael is not afraid of confrontation, not afraid of an angry boyfriend, God knows he's been here before. But the problem is that while Michael is all about talking the talk, when it comes to a physical confrontation, he's got a bit of an disadvantage considering his small frame.  
Still, he can't keep his mouth from working. It's a defense mechanism: when he get's nervous, his mouth runs without much of a filter.  
”Listen here buddy, pal, dude, why don't you take this up with hot cu- I mean, Laura? Ok?” he says, almost sucessfully keeping the sarcasm out of his voice.  
Almost.  
The guy standing infront of him slowly turns red in the face and his perfectly styled hair is standing all over the place. Michael can clearly tell that he's got an Elite on his hands, with his ridiculous rich clothes and ”holier than thou” attitude which, unfortunately, only heightens his sarcasm.

”I'm sure you can work it out, a lovely couple like you, just work on your stamina, yeah? Then she won't feel it so necessary to seek me out” Michaels smile can only be described as angelic. He wonders how far he can push this.  
”You might not know who I am, but I know all about you”, the guy suprises Michael with his low voice, blue eyes staring straight into his own green ones.  
”You are the guy that everyone sees as a loser, a nobody. A never was and never will be. You walk around here thinking you have a right, a place, amongst us but you are nothing. And you know that, don't you? That's why your dad fucked off, and that's why you're mom keeps getting fucked by everything walking, because you people are nothing. You, and the rest of the Crooks, are just a waste of space and so fucking worthless that you can't to anything else but drinking your life away and I would feel sorry for you, if I didn't find it so goddamn amusing."

The guy releases his hold on Michael and stands back, a satisfied look on his face. Michael stands frozen in shock. He's gotten insults thrown at him before, gotten his ass kicked and his ribs bruised by jealous boyfriends before, but never ever has anyone treated him like this before. No one has ever looked him straight in the eyes and said something so cruel, something Michael is so scared of being true. He feels with horror how tears springs to his eyes and is just about to turn around and run away, run home, run anywhere, when he hears Calums calm voice.

”What the fuck did you just say?” Calums voice is like ice and the guys turns around to face him.  
”What, about the Crooks? About his kind? Come on, like you don't think the same way”  
The guy makes an confused face at Calum. At first sight, he definitly thought that this was a guy from his neighborhood, another Elite. But the fire burning in the dark eyes makes him hesitate.

”You should know one thing, buddy” Calum says with the same condescending attitude Michael had used earlier.  
”What?” the guy barely whisper, suddenly intimidated by the anger radiating from the boy infront of him. Calum might not be the biggest or the strongest person off the two of them, but his persona and the anger radiating from him makes every instinct in the guys body scream ”run!”.  
”If you fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us. Crooks stands together and Crooks fall together”.  
Before the guy can even process the words, Calums fist slams into his face with a loud _crack_!

Everything stands still, nothing being heard besides the guys scream of pain when he clutches his bleeding face. And then, suddenly, everything moves. Some other Elites, friends with the guy now lying on the floor whimpering, rushes forward but gets stopped by other Crooks, throwing themself at them with their fist first. Glass crashes to the floor and angry shouting can be heard when nothing short of a riot erupts by the drunken teenagers and Michael can't do anything but watch in amazment. Suddenly, a flash of blonde hair shoots past him, grabbing his hand and before he knows it he's being pulled through the fighting crowd towards the front door.

***

”What the fuck was that?” Michael breathes out when they slow down, the mansion looking nothing but a small house behind them,  
”I don't know, he deserved it!” Calum laughs and runs his non-bloody hand through his hair.  
Michael looks at his friend with a small smile on his lips, it's been a long time since he saw Calum like this. Like he's alive, with adrenaline still flowing in his body and in that moment, Michael feels such a appreciation for his friend that he can't even find the words for it, even if he had wanted too.

”Yeah, well, you're lucky there was other Crooks there. They would have beaten your fucking ass otherwise” Luke says, trying to sound lecturing but the smile on his face shows the opposite.  
”Yeah, you think so? Think they could handle these guns?” Calum place a kiss on each of his biceps, grin wide enough to split his face.  
”Oh my god you fucking nerd, never do that again” Michael sighs, rolling his eyes and slaps him at the back of the head.  
”Hey! I didn't hear any complaints in there”  
”Well okey, it was a pretty good hit” Michael grumbles and Calum smiles proudly.

They walk in silence for a while, the bus stop still far away. The music fades behind them and the gravel crushing under their shoes being the only noise surrounding them. Michael appreciates moments like these, where him and his friend can just be happily quiet. He feels kind of like floating, drunk with alcohol and high by the knowledge of people having his back. He knows Calum would probably kill for him, Luke too, but still, it's nice to be reassured once in a while.

”So Mikey, did you really not know?” Luke breaks the silence. ”About them being together?” he elaborates at Michaels confused look.  
”No, I didn't. I'm not a fucking homewrecker”.  
”No, I know, it's just.. They're kind of well known and I..” Luke tries to explain but Michael turns on him, anger suddenly in his eyes.  
”So what? Am I supposed to keep track of everyone, huh? Keeping a list of who to fuck and who not to?”  
He can see how Like wince and Michael regrets his outburst, knowing that his friend didn't mean any harm but he can't. Michael has always had a hard time controling his moodswings and right now, the floating feeling has turned into a hard edge. Without a word, he takes the bottle Luke had managed to take with him, turns around and stomps ahead of his friends, taking deep gulps from it. He misses the glance his friends share behind his back.

***

”Are you OK?” Calum asks later when Michael has been sitting on the bench at the bus stop for a while.  
”I'm fucking fine”  
Calum sighs and sits next to him, slinging an arm around his friends shoulders.  
”You know he didn't mean it like that” Calum says quietly and Michael just shrugs.  
A horn interrupts whatever Calum was about to say next and a black car turns up infront of them. They say nothing as Calum leads Michael into the backseat of the car, Luke standing besides just watching. 

Ten minutes later the car is practically flying down the streets to the city. Chris has a big love for Iron Maiden, which is turned up to the highest level and Michael is greatful for that since he doesn't feel like talking right now.

_”I feel unsettled, now I know that I've done wrong._  
_I've messed around with mystic things and magic for too long._  
_I feel I'm being paid with this nightmare inside me,_  
_The devil's got a hold on my soul and he just won't let me be.”_

”Are you still coming back to mine?” Luke asks from where he sits besides him, raising his voice over the music.  
”Nah, think I'm gonna go home”, he pretends to not see the hurt look on Lukes face.  
”Please Mikey” Calum says as he turns around in the passenger seat, ”come with us! The night isn't over yet!”  
Michael thinks about it but agrees pretty quickly, unable to not return the smile he gets from his dark haired friend. Besides him, Luke gently takes his hand and Michael let's him.

He can tell that Luke wants to talk some more, but Michaels head is back at the party, back infront of the angry guy spitting hateful words against him. ” _You are the guy that everyone sees as a loser, a nobody.”_ The thing is, Michael knows his right. Knows he's nothing and never will be, born in a shitplace just to survive long enough to leave a pisstain as a memory. On the contrary of what everyone might think, he's not stupid. He can see the differences between him and Calum, see why Calum's gonna get out and do something big, be someone. And why he himself is not.

_”It's just the way things is, I suppose”_ Michael thinks to himself, _”some are destined to go somewhere and others are not”_. Even though almost everyone in the Crooks lives under the same circumstances, there are differences. Differences that sets himself apart from his best friend. Calum is strong and has that kind of fight wihtin him that Michael never felt. The will to fight off every stereotype, every look and every sneer and prove them wrong. Michael has never felt that, never had an urge to prove something, he's always a bit too willing to accept the way things are without a second thought. He thinks about his mother, about what she's doing now and with who. Michael sighs and thumps his head against the window. If there was a time when his mother was happy, it was long ago. Maybe before his father left them, fucked of to God knows where, never to be seen again. Michael remembers that time, even though he was little, when his mom would cry and cry until she passed out. He remembers how she tried to pull herself togheter, go to work, only to come home drunk again and again and again. And he remembers the men. The countless of strangers walking into his kitchen in the mornings like they couldn't see him. He even remembers the few attempts his mom had at relationships, all of them crashing and burning soon enough. And the things is, he could never blame his mom for any of that. God knows he understand that depsperate itch of just wanting to be love, to be wanted. He's experienced it enough times to be able to relate to his mothers horrendous attempts at finding love only to having to find it in the depth of another bottle.

Michael feels sick, the thoughts in his head too many and too loud and he can't hear anything else. Not the blasting music, not Luke trying to get his attention, nothing. It's all so overwhelming that when the car stops at a trafficlight, he flings the door open and throws up onto the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A WHOLE MONTH has gone by. Don't know what to say besides that between holidays and family visiting, I've been picking up extra shifts and working like crazy. But new year, more time to write! Please comment your what you think about this, good or bad xx


	5. All the Same

**Luke.**

* * *

Luke sighs heavily as he sinks down on the couch. It's still pretty early, around two am but it feels like the nights been going on forever. After Michael got sick in the car, Luke managed to get him to the bathroom so he could clean up a bit.  
  
”I found some baileys!” Calum says happily as he enters the livingroom from the kitchen.  
Luke smiles at him and takes the mug he's handed, sipping on the sweet liquid. Calum sits down next to him and lift his own cup to drink from, but winces when the booze connects with his lip.

”Did he hurt you?”  
”It's just a split lip”, Calum shrugs, ”you got one too you know”.  
Luke raises his fingers to his lip and can feel the swelling underneath, although is not a clean split like Calums, he knows it's going to turn purple in the morning.  
”Maybe we should have called the police”  
”Why? Because of Harry?” Calum shrugs again, taking a sip from his mug, ”he talked to me, hit you and I hit him. Nothing to call the cops for”.  
”Well, what about that other guy? I think you broke his nose”  
”Yeah like he would fucking dare to” Calum snorts, ”he was a fucking pussy”.  
Luke says nothig, just nods and sits back in the couch. They sit like that for a while, in comfortable silence, sipping baileys out of coffee mugs. Luke thinks about the night, about the party, about Michael. As much as he loves Michaels ”give zero fucks about anything” attitude, sometimes he wishes that Michael could think longer than his dick reaches. This is not the first time something like this has gone down, and Luke hardly think it will be the last.

”Oh, baileys! Nice!” Michael says happily as he comes into the livingroom and takes the one mug left on the table. He raises his mug in a salute and take a big gulp, smiling happily at his friends. If someone notice the way his eyes are bloodshot and his cheeks flushed red from crying, no one mentions it. They just salutes their glass back and knocks down the liquid easily.  
”Guess what I have?” Michael smiles sweetly and holds up a pack of cigarettes.

* * *

Some time later, they all lay on the floor, limbs tangled togheter so you can't tell where one of them starts and the other end. They're laughing at some joke Michael told, or was it at the made up song Calum sang? Luke can't remember, all he knows is that his insides are dying as he rolls over, crying from laughter.

”Fuck Mike, where did you get these?” Calums asks when they've all composed themselves.  
”It was one of those ”guards””, Michael says while air quoting, ”he said that he had some strong stuff and that they where mine for a BJ. Can't say I regret it”  
”He was damn right, they hit like a motherfucker” Luke mumbles and takes another hit.  
”Oh look at you Luke, one blunt and you're going all street on us” Michael teases.  
Instead of answering, Luke starts coughing which makes the other two laughs like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen. Soon after Calum untangles himself from the other two, claiming he need to go to the bathroom.  
  
”Cal?” Michael calls out.  
”Shut up, I need to hurry, I'm going to fucking piss myself” Calum answers with a concentrated frown on his face.  
”Yeah but Cal.."  
"Shut up!"  
"But.:"  
"WHAT" Calum shouts when he turns around to look at Michael.  
"Cal, doesn't it go faster if you walk instead of crawling?”  
Calum stops in the middle of the room and sits back on his haunches. He folds his hands in his lap and bites down hard on his bottom lip.  
”... Calum?” Luke asks carefully.  
”I can't” Calums says while shaking his head, ”I can't do it”.  
”What do you mean, buddy?” Luke and Michael looks at each other uncertainty.  
”It's just, it's just, it's way to far”, Calum says and let's out a shuddering breath.  
”OK buddy, you know what? Just lie down a minute, OK? Just have a nice rest” Michael says, cooing at his way-out-of-it friend.  
”Yeah, I think.. OK, yeah” Calum says and lies down on the floor, curling up in foster position.  
”How much did he have?” Luke whispers at Michael who puts up one finger. Luke tries to contain his laughter but it's difficult, he always forget how much of a light weight his friend is.  
  
Michael smiles and sinks back down on the floor, Luke laying down next to him. They stay like that, lying side by side in silence, just listening to the music playing in the background. They have a good buzz going on, fingers vibrating and bodys feeling like they're floating easily. Luke thinks about his dark haired friend, who now snores softly from heavy sleep. Calum's always the strong one, the one to turn too in case of trouble, as protective as they come, but there's this whole other side to him. The light weight, the funny one, the one with a hint of sadness in his eyes and soft smiles. Luke thinks about the party, about barging in to the bathroom and finding his friend there, standing perfectly still against the counter. There was something about the look on his face, the emptiness of his eyes, that still sends shivers down Lukes spine.  
  
His thoughts are interuppted by Michael calling his name and he turns his head to face his friend.  
”I love you, you know?”  
Luke smiles and nods, grabbing Michaels hand and squeezing it.  
”It's the anniversiry tomorrow, right?”  
Luke makes a humming sound and looks up to the ceiling.  
”Do you want me to come with you?”  
Luke just nods and shift to open his arms up when he feels Michael scooting closer, sliding up next to him and putting his head on Lukes chest. They say nothing as Michaels hand is slowly drumming the beat of the Sick Puppies song playing in the background on Lukes chest, and he strokes his hand through soft, red strands.  
  
” _I dont care, no I wouldn't dare_  
_To fix the twist in you_  
_You've shown me eventually what you'll do_  
_I dont mind, I dont care_  
_As long as you're here ”_  
  
”I can't belive it's been four years already” Luke mumbles after a while.  
Michael curls is hand into the side of Luke shirt, holding it tightly as he mumbles ”me neither”.  
Luke is just about to say something else when the front door opens up, his father stepping in to the room.  
”Hey kids, whats up?” Andrew asks with a smile.  
”Oh you know”, Luke says while still laying on the floor with Michael almost on top of him, ”nothing special, just a chil night at home”.  
”Oh really?” Andrews asks and raises an eyebrow at them.  
”Or something like that”, Luke says with a shit eating grin.  
Andrew sighs heavily and rolls his eyes, but his lips twist with a hint of a smile.  
”So how do you explain that?” he gestures at Calum, still sleeping on the floor.  
He makes his way over and sits down next to the sleeping boy, putting a hand on his shoulder to try and shake him awake. Calum gives no replay other than a few mumbles and what sounds like curses, so Andrew quickly gives up and stands to fetch a pillow and a blanket from the couch instead.  
  
”I guess he's sleeping here” Andrew sighs and throws up his hands in an ”what can you do” gesture.  
”It's fine dad, I'm sure he won't mind”  
”Yeah, say that to his back” Michael giggles as he watches the dark haired boy sleeping soundly on the hardwood floor.  
”Well there's not much to do about it, I'm afraid he'll bite me or something if I try to lift him up” Andrew says just the exact moment as Calum kicks at his leg in his sleep, mumbling something that sounds close to ”fuck off”.  
”Come on, time for bed” Andrew says while trying not to giggle.  
He goes over and helps the other two boys up and they go upstairs.  
”Have you been working until now?” Michael asks.  
”Nah, I've been out with some colleagues. We old-timers know how to party as well, you know” he winks at them.  
”Dad”, Luke groans, ”never say 'old-timer' again please”.  
”We were out there, hitting the club” Andrew continues like nothing, ”walking with all our swagger, going all YOLO, you know?” Andrew says while gesturing wildely something that looks like it's supposed to be gang signs or what not.  
”Really?” Michael asks, wanting him to continue while hiding a smile behind his hands.  
”Yeah, totally! It was me, Bob and Jim, he works at the front desk, nice guy” Andrews face lights up, ”and a real ladies man! He was hitting them all up, like, on fleek!” Andrew makes another gesture, looking like a fisherman catching something on the hook, and Luke loudly slaps a palm in his own face.  
”OK, that's enough, thank you dad” he groans and drags Michael into his room with after shouting a quick good night.  


Michael giggles as he throws himself down on to Lukes king sized bed.  
”I fucking love your dad”  
”Yeah well, he's something I guess” Luke says with a smile as he lays down beside his friend.  
”He's the fucking best” Michael rolls over to the side and smiles softly at Luke.  
Luke just looks into Michaels green eyes and reaches out to swipe some hair that's fallen across his face. Michael leans in to the touch, closing his eyes, a small smile still lingering on his face.  
”Do people really think that about me?”  
Luke frowns in confusion.  
”What are you talking about, babe?”  
”You know, what that guy said. About me.. and mom.”  
There's a vulnerability in Michaels voice that Luke has heard all too often, but still hates all the same.   
”No, kitten, no one thinks that.” Luke's voice is soft as his knuckles brushes over the other boys cheek.  
”What about..”  
”No”, Luke says firmly, ”he don't know what he was talking about, he's a fucking idiot”.  
Michael only hums in response but that dosen't satisfy Luke. He puts his hand under Michaels chin to tilt his head up and whispers as he puts his lips softly agaisnt the other boys forehead.  
”You're worth so much kitten, please don't doubt that”.  
As Luke pulls back, Michael open his eyes. Green meets blue and without a cohecive thought, Luke open his mouth and softly sings the lyrics to a song that he always associate Michael with.

” _The green eyes, yeah, the spotlight shines upon you  
And how could anybody deny you”_

 

* * *

**Calum.**  


Calum wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache and a churning stomach. He slowly opens his eyes, the sunlight feeling a bit too bright. It takes a while for him to remember where he is, why he's lying on the floor and the memory of the night before makes him smile. Slowly, he pulls himself up and he takes a look around. There's empty glasses and spilled drinks on the table, ashes from the blunts on the floor and cigarette buts all over the place. Calum sighs before he stands up, making the room spins around him, and he takes a couple of deep breaths. Then he gets to work. He takes a garabage bag and puts all the empty bottles in it, he takes the glasses to the sink and washes them ad finally he sweeps the floor. He knows there's no need, that Luke or his father wouldn't mind, but he has never been able to just leave a room messy. Everything has it's place, and when his satisfied with his result, he walks up to the guestroom which he finds empty. Calum isn't suprised at that, and he get's his things togheter quickly before walking over to Lukes room and opens the door. Peaking his head insde, he can see Michael and Luke naked backs curled around eachother on the bed. Calum smiles at them, closes the door gently and turns to leave. 

When he gets to the bus stop outside Luke's house, he realizes that there won't be another bus for an hour. Sighing, Calum pulls his phone out, signs into spotify, turns the music up and heads downtown. His phone is one of the things, besides his laptop, that can pass for relatively ”new” and Calum worked hard to get them. He's not material, but he knows that people will judge him from what he owes and he refuses to be seen as another ”ghetto kid”. So by being a babysitter for a few months, he earned enough money to but the laptop from the desperate for cash crackhead living next door. The phone is the last thing he ever stole, from a party at the Elites a year back. He hadn't known anyone there at all, only got in based on his appearence and being Luke's friend, and the phone has just layed there on a table. It had been almost too easy, and even though Calum didn't like stealing and hadn't done it since, he found it hard to feel guilty about it, especially now when Tame Impala is playing at a high level in his ears while he's on his way home. 

_”Yes I'm changing, can't stop it now_  
_And even if I wanted I wouldn't know how_  
_Another version of myself I think I found, at last_  
_And I can't always hide away”_

He reaches the market-place in the middle of town when he spots a familiar figure sitting at the curb right outside the pizzeria.  
”Ashton!”  
”Calum! What's up?”  
Ashtons smile is radiate and when Calum comes up close, he can see that the other boy looks as rugged and sleep-deprived as himself.  
”On my way home, what are you doing?”  
”Just waiting for it to open up, I got here to early” Ashton says, pointing a thumb behind him at the pizzeria.  
”Why didn't you wait at your place? Or did you sleep somewhere else last night?” Calum asks, raising his eyebrows as he takes a seat next to the other boy.  
”Something like that” Ashton looks down and starts fiddeling with the hem of his shirt, ”where have you been?”  
”Just at Lukes” Calum says as he lights up a cigarette, ”can't really sleep well at other peoples places though”.

Calum catches a glance from Ashton, sees how his smile widens across his face, something glimmering in the boys hazel eyes. He looks away quickly though, putting the cigarette to his lips.  
”Why aren't you at school?” he asks while letting the smoke pour out of his mouth.  
”We decided to keep traditions alive, you know, even though we can't attend the summer end bash anymore we can still pretend” Ashton says with a giggle, bumping their shoulders togheter.  
Calum just smiles and shakes his head. Ashton opens his mouth to say something more but gets interruppted by the door opening up behind them, instead he inclines his head, a question in his eyes. Calum simply nods, and they both stand up and go inside the pizzeria.

”So, I guess there must have been a hell of a party last night” Ashton says with a smile a few minutes after they receive their pizzas. When Calum gives him a confused look, Ashton points at his face which Calum realize must be a bunch of diffrent colours. He just shrugs though, and takes a bite out of his steaming hot pepperoni pizza but winces when he opens his mouth.  
”Who did that to you?”  
”Just an Elite, no one important” Calum shrugs again.  
Something crosses Ashtons face and his smile fades. Instead, he looks at the dark haired boy with a piercing look, the almost always there joy in his eyes suddenly gone.”No one important, huh?”  
”No”, Calum shrugs again.  
”That's funny” Ashton says and looks away.  
”What do you mean?” Calum puts his piece of pizza back down on the plate and looks up at the boy across from him, a boy that's unusual serious. It makes Calum tense, like he can feel that something is about to happen that he won't like.  
”It's funny because I was under the impression that Harry Styles meant a great deal to you, he was your boyfriend, wasn't he?”  
No, Calum didn't like this at all.  
Suddenly, hot dark rage enters his body again. He feels shocked, angry and suprised.  
”Who told you about that? Luke?”  
”No”, Ashton laughs but it sounds forced, ”Luke would never do that to you. But I used to hang around Harrys friends a lot before, I can tell when something's up”.  
”But you know what happend last night?”  
Ashton shrugs, taking a bite of his pizza.  
”Luke texted me some off it, that you were fighting. No details though."  
  
Calum doesn't really know what to say, what he can say. He's never been good with talking about stuff like this and he hates peoples knowing things about him that he himself didn't say. The more he thinks about it, the more annoyed he gets.   
  
”Yeah, well, he was coming on to me and I wasn't having it so he got pissed. Luke came in and saw it so he helped me, that's all” Calum says with a shrug. He starts eating at his pizza again and avoids looking Ashton in the eye.  
”So what about that Elite guy? Heard it turned into a right out brawl”  
”How do you know about that?”  
”I had some friends there, heard you broke his nose like a twig.”  
Calum can't help but smile and shrugs his shoulders again.  
”He talked shit about Mikey, so, yeah.”  
”That's it?”  
Calum looks up at Ashtons questioning tone and sees him smiling.  
”Yeah? He's my best friend, why wouldn't it be enough?”  
”So you are ready to take on an Elite AND his friends because he called Michael a slut, but you need Lukes help against Styles? No offense, but Luke can barely walk straight with that coordination of his, no less fight”.

Calum feels the irritation creeping up inside him, he dosen't like the tone or what Ashton is hinting at. He clenches his jaw, balls his fist up where they lay in his lap and look at Ashton with defiant in his eyes.  
”What the fuck are you getting at, dude?”  
”Why is it that you don't hesitate a second to help a friend out, but you won't stand up for yourself?”

Calum doesn't know why he feels so shocked, why it feels like he can't breathe, why his eyes widens and his cheeks flushes red at the same time. But he quickly composes himself, glaring at the boy seated across from him.  
”You don't fucking know me” he says, venom in his voice.  
”I know you enough” Ashton says easily, the innocent of his tone only pushing Calum further.  
  
Calum has always had a problem with anger managment and he feels it now, can't stop picturing punching the fucking smug smile of Ashtons face. ” _How the fuck dare he talk to me like he got some fucking inside information, like he has a right to judge me, like he knows anything?”_. The inside of Calum is boiling, boiling, boiling and he wants to retaliate.  
But he doesn't.

Instead, Calum pushes away his plate, stands up and grab his bag. On his way through the restaurant he can hear Ashtons voice behind him;  
”Look Cal, you're angry. Why don't you do anything about it?”

* * *

Calum opens the door to his house and slams it shut behind him. The whole way home he couldn't get Ashtons voice out of his head, _”why don't you stand up for yourself?”_. Angrily, he throws his bag on the floor and kicks of his shoes before entering the living room. As usual, his mother sits on the couch, a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. The anger pumping in Calums blood turn into rage when he sees the way his mothers face is blank, always so fucking blank and zombie like, and before he knows what he's doing, Calum takes the remote control from the coffee table and throws it.  
  
”WHAT THE HELL” Joy shrieks as the remote control makes contact with the opposite wall and smashes into a thousant pieces. She stands up and get's into Calum face and he instinctively takes a step back. It takes alot to get his mother to react to anything at all, and suddenly the anger in Calum turns into something more nervous.  
”What the fuck is wrong with you?” Joy rasps in his face, smoking gotten the better of her voice ages ago.  
”Just wanted to see is there's anything left in that head of yours, you look like a living dead” Calum replays, ice dripping in his voice.  
Without another word, his mother lifts her hand up and slaps him hard across his already bruised cheek. Calum does nothing, just takes it, like the way the it burns and makes his head snap to the side by the sheer force of it.  
  
”Get the fuck out, now, if you know whats good for you” Joy says and Calum doesn't question a moment that she means it. When she raises her hand to hit him again, he dodges it and turns around to get up stairs and into is room instead.

He collapses on his bed, his head pounding with all the thoughts running through his mind and the tears that tries to escape his eyes. He doesn't let them though, just flops onto his back and tries to take deep breaths. _”Control, I need to take control”_ he thinks, like mantra, over and over again. He closes his eyes and hold his breath, feeling like he's gonna suffocate. He can't take it, his mothers dead eyes, the ignorance of his father who can still be heard humming outside on the patio, his own desperate need for release. Out of frustration, he slams a hand into the wall beside him, making a dent. _”Fuck, fuck, fuck”_ he thinks as he turns to the side, knees against his chest. He tries to suppress every emotion, every thought, everything he can feel, until the silence in his head matches the one in his house. At last, the anger and the sadness is nothing more than a burning little ball, lodged between his ribs. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? My personal life is a mess. Hope you like this chapter. Sorry for any and all mistake, i didn't have time to read this through as much as i would like to. Please comment any feedback at all.


	6. Don't threaten me with a good time

**Michael.**

* * *

 

Michael feels the sun warming up his pale skin, even though the summer is close to being over. The oversized grey hoodie paired with his torn skinny jeans makes him feel small and insignificant as he walks down a small hill. His black combat boots leaves a small trail behind him and when he lifts his head up, he can see Luke's blonde hair glistening in the sun ahead of him. As they reaches the bottom of the hill, Lukes turns to the left and slows down until he comes to a stop.

”Do you have smoke?”   
Michael can't see Lukes face, but hears the pain in his voice. He nods even though it's no use, and reaches down to pull up a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He takes two out and puts them in his mouth, light them up before passing one a long to Luke. When he does so, he carefully lean against Luke and when he feels an arm sneaking around his back, he smiles and leans his head onto Lukes shoulder.

”Dad will get here after work” Luke says, mostly to himself.  
”Yeah I know, he never misses it” Michael answers either ways, inhaling a long drag from his cigarette.  
They stand quiet for a bit, just looking and thinking. After awhile, Luke steps forward and crunhes down.  
”I can't believe it's been four years already”  
Michael says nothing, just sits down besides him. Slowly, he lifts his hand to trace the lettering on the stone.   
  


" _Somewhere, deep inside of us,_ _  
_ _we will always be together”_

”Jack would have been 19 now and Ben 20, right?”   
”Yeah” Lukes says and chuckles, ”they would probably have been in college by now. Or you know, buisness school for Ben, he always wanted to take over dad's company. He was really smart”.  
”Yeah, I remember him helping us with our homework” Michaels says and smiles.   
Luke says nothing, just nods and looks away for a moment. Michael studies his profile, taking in the boy next to him. Luke's usually so careful styled quiff is replaced with a beanie and he wears sweats and a baggy t-shirt instead for his normal designer clothes. But Michael knows that today, there's no room for trying outfit after outfit or caring at all about the way he looks. Today is about remembering, and grieving.   
”It's all still so fucking unfair” Michael whispers, voice wavering more than he would like to.  
Luke turns to face him, blue eyes looking soft in the bright sunshine and he wears a small smile as he reaches his hand out to takes Michaels.

He can still remember that day, the day that started with the two of them on the beach, Luke trying to teach him how to surf and failing miserably. They had just come up from the water when Luke's phone rang, a strangers voice talking when he picked up.  
”I think about it alot, that I should have been with them. Mom was so disappointed when I didn't want to come to Jacks game, I always did before you know. But that day, I would just rather be at the beach. It was just another stupid football game, I'd watched a hundred ones, you know?” Luke chuckle, but he doesn't sound happy.   
”Maybe I should have gone with them.”  
A cold shrill spreads throughout Michaels body and his hold on Lukes hand tightens.  
”Then you would have been in the car with them”.  
”Yeah, but maybe I would have seen the other car, you know? Could have warned mom or something”  
”It was a drunkdriver that ran a redlight, you probably wouldn't have seen it either.”  
Luke just shrugs and tosses away whats left of his cigarette.  
”Yeah, maybe.. I just can't help but think that way you know? And why did they all have to be in the same car? Ben had a drivers lincense, I don't understand why they couldn't have taken seperate cars. Then maybe..” Luke shrugs again as his voice dies out.  
”Luke, it doesn't matter. It still happened, there's nothing to change it”  
Michael doesn't get an answer, just a squeeze of his hand. They sit in silence, looking at the stone with the three names before them. Three names that will never be anything more then memories and a place at the bottom of a hill. And the sun is still shining over them.

***

Michael is slowly walking his way home. He left the graveyard when Jack and Bens old friends showed up, one of them he recognized as being the blonde irish guy from the summer's end bash. It's a nice feeling, that it isn't just Luke and himself that remembers the anniversery, that even though it's been four years, the friends of the Hemmings brothers still cares about their memory. _”They where really something else, to have friends like that”_ Michael thinks as he recalls several moments where the friends of Jack and Ben had showed up to support Luke, like last nights fight. They always shows up in various situations in his brothers stead.

Michael slows down when he can see his house coming up. Going home after a night out is always hard because he can never expect what's going to meet him when he walks into the house. _”Sometimes I wish I didn't have to deal with her”_ Michaels thinks bitterly but the thought brings a bad taste to his mouth when he thinks about Luke, losing his whole family in a day, but he can't help it. It shouldnt be his job to keep a track of his mother, her mood and happiness. It should be the otherway around but most days, Karen is more like a friend than a mother. _”A fucking useless drunk of a friend”_ Michael thinks angrily as he kicks a stone out of his way. Before he enters the house, he takes a moment to breathe and try to clear the blossoming anger out. He knows that it's not his mother fault for not knowing how to deal with reality when in all fairness, he's the same way. Alcohol and anger always acting as his best friend in times of need. So can he really blame his mother?

After another deep breath, he opens the door and walks in. The house is empty wich means Karen is at work, and Michael could laugh with relief. Lightet in his steps, he turns on the computer and logs in to Spotify. He turns the volyme up as he goes over to the bathroom, getting ready to take a shower, while singing along to Panic! At the Disco.

_”I was the king of this hologram_   
_Where there's no such thing as getting out of hand_   
_Memories tend to just pop up_   
_Drunk pre-meds and some rubber gloves_   
_Five-thousand people with designer drugs_   
_Don't think I'll ever get enough”_

The feeeling of relief and lightness gives away to a heavy, heavy feeling as he meets his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. He's tired, so tired of this constant feeling of never being enough, looking good enough. While steppig into the shower, he turns the heat up to a point where it turns his skin red and he has to fight himself to stay put. His skin is burning and Michael feels like h'es on fire. There's a fire in his stomach and if he closes his eyes, he can feel the flames licking up inside his throat. It's a battle between him and himself and somehow, Michael always feels like the loser.

Time passes and the water soon turns cold, the house eerly quiet again. Michael slowly steps out of the shower, pulls a towel around himself and pointly does not look in the mirror. He feels mechanic, like a robot, as he walks into his room to pull out some sweats and a t-shirt. The breakfast he had at Luke's feels heavy in his stomach and he doesn't understand why it's like this. Why he's like this, on a constant rollercoaster where he goes from good to bad in a blink of an eye. _”I'm such a fucking fuck up”_ he thinks as he enters the bathroom again and crounches down in front of the toilet. Nothing comes out though, too much times has passed and Michael has to give up eventually. But it doesn't stop him from going in the kitchen in search for food. _”Anything”_ he thinks, ” _I would give anything not to feel like this”._

***

It's hours later when the door opens again and a tired looking Karen stumbles in to the livingroom. Michael, who has been lying on the couch, finally feeling satisfied after hours of binging and purging.

"Hi baby, you're still up?” Karen says with a giggle why a man walks up from behind her.  
Michael squints his eyes, sits up and looks from the unkown man to his mother.  
”What are you doing?” He asks, avoids his mothers fumbling attemepts of hugging him and instead pushes her off and stands up.  
”Aren't you gonna hug your mother? And this is Ralph! I met him at the bar, we used to be classmates!” Karen says and laughs as if that is the funniest thing she's ever heard, the man behind her chuckeling and throwing an arm around her shoulders.   
”Mom, you have work tomorrow, remember? How much did you drink?” Michael says as he glares at the man standing to close to his mother in his opinion.  
”Michael, don't be so boring! We had a few drinks, okay, but I mean how often do you meet an old classmate like that? Don't be such a prude!”   
Michael says nothing, just rolls his eyes and turns to walk into his bedroom. It doesn't take long though for the door to fly open, crashing into the opposing wall and Karen storming in.

”What the fuck is wrong with you?” She says angrily as she takes ahold of Michaels shoulder, ”can't you ever be polite? Huh? Do you always have to fucking embarress me infront of people?”   
The hold on Michaels shoulders is hard enough that he can feel Karens nails break the skin as she shakes him.  
”Oh, I'm the embarrassment? You're coming in here, drunk in the middle of the week with a fucking random guy on your arm and I'm supposed to what? Be friendly? Shake his hand? S'not gonna fucking happen, Mom” Michael says angrily and pushes his mothers arms of him.   
”You're so fucking selfish Michael, always thinking about yourself” Karen weeses out before turning around, slaming the door shut behind her.

Michael sighs and flings himself on his bed. He's so tired, always so fucking tired. Of himself, his mother, his house, his whole fucking life. When the music shakes the walls and an unfamiliar laugh carries through the house, Michael rolls of his bed and digs through his nightstands draw. _”I just want to get away”_ he thinks as he raises his hands to his open mouth and swallows two pills dry.   
  


**Luke**

* * *

The first thing that comes to Luke when he wakes up the following morning is ”I passed through another anniversary”. He feels heavy, heavy in his bones, his head, his eyelids. He feels like he could sleep straight for ten years, but knows that giving in to those kinda thoughts doesn't lead to anything good. So, on heavy feet connected to tired legs, he stands up and makes his way to the bathroom. The warm water of the shower relaxes his muscles and he feels himself slowly come to. When he steps out of the shower, he puts a towel around his waist and walks up to the big mirror on the opposite wall.

It's diffrent every morning, but it always comes down to this: the mornings where he's in a hurry for sleeping to long and not bothering looking to closely at himself. And then there's mornings like today, where he can study his face for what feels like hours. Every por, spot and freckle. He sees himself, the man he's slowly growing into, but he also sees something else.

He sees his mothers smile and his dads dark blonde hair. As the youngest, Luke got a mix from both of his parents but most of all, he looks just like Jack. In height, facail struktures and height. Even down to his personality, he's an open and social guy just like his mother and Jack, opposite of Ben who was more of an introvert, smart and observing, just like their dad. Luke sometimes wish that he looked more like his father.

He knows that sometimes when his father looks at him, all he can see is what was lost. That on some days, Luke is nothing more than just a reminder of the people who will never come back home. Luke doesn't blame him, knows that his father doesn't mean anything by it, but in the deepest, darkest corner of his mind, he wishes that he could be viewed as his own person.

It's been four years but Luke can still remember them clearly, his mothers hugs and his brothers laughs. With a father constanly working, Luke can feel lonely, but never truly alone. Now, Luke is no man of religion but he still feels his mother and brothers close, like angels around him, keeping him safe. Always by his side.

A ringtone breaks the silence and Luke hurries to his room to pick up his phone. He smiles when he sees who's calling and presses accept.  
”Ashton! What's up? Why are you awake this early? I thought your first class wasn't until later”  
”Well, you try sleeping in the house of the crazy”   
Luke smiles, he can't imagine living in a small apartment with little sibilings.  
”You wanna come over?”  
”Sure”, Ashtons sounds relieved, ”I'll be there soon”.  
They hang up and Luke quickly chooses an outfit for the day: black skinny jeans as usual with a dark blue hoodie, the still wet hair under a black snapback. Fifteen minutes later he's put on some coffee and just started a episode of New Girl when Ashton walks in.

”There's some coffe in the kitchen if you want” Luke says as a form of greeting and Ahston instanly turns around before coming back, sitting down next to him with a steeming cup of his own cradled in his hands. They're watching the show in silence for a bit before Ashton shifts, making Luke turn to look at him.  
”I met Calum yesterday”.  
”Oh?” Luke says, raising an eyebrow, ”he left before I'd woken up. Cleaned everything up before he left though, as usual. I swear, he has some kind of OCD with that shit” Luke says and laughs.  
"I asked him about the bruises you know, and he told me you had a run in with Harry Styles?”  
”Yeah” Luke nods, ”fucking asshole”.   
”I just don't”.. Ashton starts but cuts himself off, shifting some more in his seat.  
”What?”  
”I don't get why you had help him out, you know? No offence but you're not really a fighter” Ashton says and smiles a little.  
”No, I get it, I'm really not. But I don't know” Luke shrugs.  
”Do you think there's something still going on there? Between the two of them?”  
”No” Luke shakes his head, ”I don't really know what happend between them but whatever it was, it's over. Trust me on that.”  
Ashton says nothing, just nods his head a little. Luke studies him, the way he's bent down over his coffee cup, leg bouncing on the carpet.  
”You know, Calum's changed alot. He's not like when we where younger when he used to be reckless and crazy. He's just.. I don't know, he's diffrent now.”  
Ashton nods again and they say nothing for a while, watching tv in silence.

  
Lukes mind is still on Calum though, thinking about all the diffrent ways he's changed over the last few years. _”It's like nothing matters anymore, apart from me and Mikey”,_ he thinks. He remembers a Calum that was dedicated and full of passion about the social injustice in their city. Now, they mostly talk about who is fucking who and who has what. There was a time, maybe two years back, when Luke had contronted Calum when he first started changing. When he stopped talking about the injustice in how the Elite and the Crook where treated, how a kid from the Crooks got long sentences for crimes where an Elite just got a slap on their wrists. When Luke had asked Calum about it, he had flipped and it had all ended in a huge fight where Calum had screamed at Luke, calling him a poser with first class problems. They hadn't talked for days after that, the longest time they've ever gone without talking, before Luke had crumbled and apologized. After that, he had never questioned Calums choices ever again.

”It's almost eight, when's your first class?”  
Ashtons question jumps Luke right out of his own thoughts and in a mad dash, he collects all his thing, gets his shoes and yells loadly at Ashton to ”get the fuck of the couch and MOVE I'M GONNA BE LATE”. Running like mad mens, they make it just in time for the bus and soon enough, Luke is sitting by himself on the way to school, Ashton getting off a while ago, with headphones blasting Red Hot Chili Peppers.

He thinks about Calum and Michael, living deep in the Crooks surrounded by criminals and junkies. Familys on well fare, more broken homes than not. Always having to struggle. He stills remembers how Michaels eyes where glued to the ground when people picked on his rugged and dirty clothes. The look on Calums face when he, at the age of 11, got detention for fighting everyone who had a bad word to say about his friend. He thinks about Ashton, with that bright smile and even brighter eyes, living in a small apartment with a tired looking mother and two little sibilings. How she is fighting tooth and nails not to end up in the Crooks, to keep them above the surface.

He thinks about his own neighbourhood, the fancy houses with the fences. How the people have bright white teeth and the latest fashion, but empty smiles and dead eyes. Sometimes, he wonders if there really is that big of a diffrence between the Elite and the Crooks, money not being a factor. He can name several neighbours with drugissues, something that's being keeped on the low, toxic marriages and the rumours about some people dabbeling in areas like fraud and tax avisions. 

He would never say anything out loud to Calum or Michael, but they have more incommin with his Elite friends than they think. A day to day life with alcoholic parents, negleting parents or down right abusive. As Red Hot Chilli Pepper's playing in his earphones, Luke sighs, he just wishes that people could see the things they have incommon instead of the things that makes them diffrent.

” _This town is made of many things_  
 _Just look at what the current brings_  
 _So high it's only promising_  
 _This place was made on you”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, frick. here it is, hope you like it.
> 
> pls comment and sorry for any and all mistakes. this chapter is kinda boring but it's gonna get better, promise.


	7. Mirror

**Calum**

* * *

 

He can feel the nausea, how something is stirring and turning, making his stomach ache and his fingers twitch. It was there in the morning, the thing making it hard to breathe and even harder to talk. The words spoken by his friend is stuck in a loop in his head: ”look Cal, you're angry. Why don't you do anything about it?”

A bitter laugh makes it through his mouth and all Calum wants to is hit something. Possibly himself.

”Hey, Cal!”  
He turns around and sees Luke running towards him, is just about to lift his hand in a greeting when he sees Ashton by his side. Calum pushs down the groan that was threating to escape, and plasters on a fake smile.  
”Where have you been? I haven't seen you anywhere”  
”Just around” Calum shrugs, ”I had some homework to do during the breaks”.  
Luke doesn't question it and goes on a long rant about something or another, while Ashton looks at him curiously. _”Why is he always looking at me like that?”_ Calum thinks and feels how his hand twitches, making him turn to Luke and interrupt him in the middle of a sentence.

”Did you want something? I really need to get home”  
The hurt that flickers across Luke's face makes him want to bite his tongue off.  
”No, I just wanted to ask if you've seen Michael.”  
Calum just shakes his head and takes out a cigarette to have something to do.  
”Have you talked to him? Do you think somethign happend? I mean, his mom..”  
Inhaling deep, letting the smoke burn at his lungs doesn't keep the sudden irritation growing inside of Calum at bay and before he knows it, he's opend his mouth again.  
”I don't know Luke, why don't you call him? I'm not his fucking care-taker”.

Silence falls between them and Calum wants to slap himself. Luke, the ever loving blonde giant, looks hurt for the second time in the few minutes they've spent togheter and even though Calum normally doesn't care about people, he just can't stand that look on his friend.   
”Im sorry, I'm being a dick. I'm sure Michael's fine, you know how he is, he's probably at home catching up on Pretty Little Liars right now.”  
”Yeah, you probably right, he hasn't seen the last episodes after all”. Relief washes over Luke's features and Calum feels himself relax a tiny bit.

They change the subject as they start walking, talking about everything from classes to music. Luke is talking about some band he discovered the other night but Calum can't stop looking at Ashton. How his annoying hair curls like a honey coated river and how his stupid white teeth looks perfect in the sunlight. His cool, ripped tshirt with some band printed on it that Calum has never heard of. Yes, the reasons for hating Ashton is many.

So when he accidentely smiles when he sees the other boy giggle at something Luke said, Calum mentally curses at himself. Somehow they end up in a diner and Calum orders a burger without really thinking about it.

”Fuck me, this shit is good” Luke says while taking a bite of his burger, ”I never had ate any breakfast”  
”Don't talk with food in your mouth, it's disgusting” Ashton says while flinging a napkin at him. Luke just opens his mouth widely and sticks his tounge out, making Ashton fake gag. They continue bickering back and forth, Calum staying silent and just pokes at his food.

”You ok?”  
Calum looks up, seeing Ashtons curious eyes on him. Instead of answering, he just nods and takes up a few fries to put in his mouth, Ashtons eyes tracking his every move.  
”I'm gonna go to Michaels later, come with?”  
Lukes question interrupts the staring contest and Calum shakes his head.  
”Nah, I have to go”.  
He pretends he doesn't see the suprised look on Lukes face. Calum never says no and he never needs to be at home. Calum doesn't know why his initial respons is a no, he just doesn't feel like it today. Doesn't have the energy to, yet again, act like a mother hen. Even if it is about his best friend.  
”I have to go home too, but I can walk with you guys”  
Ashtons statement has Luke turning away from Calum to look at the boy next to him.  
”That's a long way though”  
”I just feel like walking” Ashtons says with an easy shrug.  
Luke watches him closely, but eventually just shrugs and continues with his food.

***

 

They walk in silence and stops outside Michaels house.  
”Sure you're not comming with?”  
Calum just nods, hugs Luke goodbye and promise to call him later. Luke just gives him a confused smile before he turns around and they go seperate ways.  
When Calum sees his house, he glances at Ashton, who's just walking beside him, humming to himself. Something sturs deep inside of Calum, the annoying feeling from before making itself known, and he opens his mouth the tell the boy beside him to stop humming. 

”Do you want to come inside?”  
Ashton looks as surprised as Calum feels, but nods happily. Calum wants to smack himself in the face, he never invites people over. _”What the fuck was that?”_ he thinks while turning quickly to walk up to the frontdoor.

From the hallway, they see Joy, sitting on the couch infront of the TV, a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. ”Figures” Calum think bitterly as he turns around to where Ashtons stands.

Too late.

”Hi, I'm Ashton” he says, one hand out to Joy.  
Joy barely looks up fromthe TV, just waving her hand with the cigarett in a dismissive way. Ashton frowns and turns to Calum with a ”what the fuck” look on his face. Calum sighs and just nods his head to the stairs.

”What was that?”  
”Good question” Calum says as he closes the door to his room. He feels anxious about another presence in his room, his safe space, where no one else is allowed in. So while Ashton makes himself comfortable on the large white, fluffy carpet in the middle of the room, Calum is walking around and picking up stuff, wishing for the first time that his room was more messy just so he'd have something to do with his hands. He opens up the window and starts up his spotify and puts on a random playlist.  
”Is that a normal thing, then?”  
”What is?” Calum asks while sitting down across from him, a little box in front of him.  
”That you don't talk to eachother?”  
”Yeah, but fuck that, you wanna smoke?”  
Ashton is quiet for a moment and Calum can feel his eyes on him.  
”Your mom is downstairs.”  
Calum shrugs, ”not like she will notice” and hands Ashton the joint he just rolled.  
Ashton just nods and takes out a lighter.

_"Looking at me now I can see my past_  
_Damn, I look just like my fucking dad_  
_Light it up, that's smoke in mirrors  
_ _I even look good in the broken mirror"_

”I'm not really a fan of Lil Wayne but he and Bruno Mars kills it” Calum says as he puts out the last of the joint.  
Ashton just nods and smiles at him. They stay silent for a bit, Calum pulling out a new joint and lights it up. The music is soft in the background, cancelling out the sound from the TV downstairs. Calum looks out of the open window, at the still green trees and sun gazing from the skye. He feels loose and almost content.

”So, why don't you talk to eachother?”  
The questions pulls Calum out from his own head. He shrugs, contemplane how to answer it. In all fairness, it's not a question he's ever gotten before, what with his other friends never coming over. It's not really a question he wants to think about all that much, so he just shrugs again.  
”I don't know, we never really talked much before and when Mali moved away, it just kinda stopped”  
”But you have to talk to eachother sometimes?” Ashtons asks, a deep frown on his face.  
”Well, I guess me and my dad talks sometimes. Mostly me just reminding him that it's gonna rain so he should take his painting inside or that we need to go grocery shopping. I don't know if he really hears me but..” Calum shrugs yet again and takes a deep inhale of the shared joint.  
”And your mom?”  
”Never. Not if I can avoid it.”  
For some reason, Calum feels embarrassed. Maybe it's the frown on Ashtons face or the look of pity in his eyes. Yeah, he knows his famiy is fucked-up, but everyone elses is too, right?

”My mom never leaves me alone. Sometimes I have to lock myself in the bathroom, pretending to have diarrhéa, just so she'll let me be”  
Ashtons confession rips out a surprised laughter from Calum and soon their both laying on the floor, tears streaming down their faces as they can't contain themselves.

”What about your dad?”  
They have been lying down on the floor for a while, side by side while the last bit of laughter died out. The joint is long gone and their hands brush against eachother. If Calum wanted, he could just extend his pinky finger and wrap it around Ashtons. But he doesn't.

”He left when I was little”  
”And you never heard from him again?”  
Ashton just shakes his head.  
”Sorry, that was rude. I don't know why I asked that”  
Calum can feel himself talking but he's not in full control of his own words. Lucky enough, Ashton doesn't seem to mind one bit.  
”It's ok, it's not like I care anymore or miss him. I can barely remember him.”  
Calum nods, to himself or the boy next to him, he doesn't know. He just lays on his back, starring up at the sealing and let his mind wanders. This feeling of being numd and content and almost _happy_ , in his own room, is something he hasn't felt in a long while. A hand brushes against him and he turns his palm up without thinking about it, feeling fingers lacing through his own.

”I've never seen anyone like you”  
Ashtons words filters through Calums tired brain and he chuckles, turning his face sideways to see that the other boy is already watching him.  
”What do you mean?”  
”You're beautiful”  
Gone is the sense of content, gone is any traces of that happy feeling and he can feel how the numdness is leaking out of his body. _”He thinks I'm beautiful”_   Calum thinks and a way of neasua rolls over him.

”Calum?”  
He can hear Ashtons concerned voice but all he can feel is this panic and he can't open his eyes, not now, maybe not ever.  
”You should leave.”  
Calum barely recognizes his own voice but he is so thankful for it, he still can't open his eyes and jerks away when he feels fingers brushing through his hair.  
”You sure?” Ashtons voice sounds small but still heavy with concern.  
Calum can't do anything, just nods and tries for a ”please” but isn't sure it made it's way out of his mouth. He hears a sigh besides him and how Ashton moves.  
”OK, I'll text you later”  
One squeeze of his hand and he feels more than he can hear Ashton getting up, pausing after he opens the door. When nothing more is being said, he just sighs again and walks out to go down the stairs.

Calum still hasn't open his eyes.

 

* * *

  **Michael**

It had been a long day, and Michael was fucking over it. He had woken up that morning, finding their small terraced house looking like a tornando just went through. There was beer bottles and empty food containers everywhere, burnt cigarettes and ash littered the floor. Michael first thought had been _”fuck, my sleeping pills are strong”_ followed by _”this must been one hell of a party”._ For a moment, he was almost impressed. That was until he went into the bathroom where the sink was covered, _covered_ , in vomit. He quickly turned around and on his way to the kitchen, he found that most of the lamps had been smashed as well. With a heavy sigh he entered the kitchen and saw Karen sitting there at the dining table.

”Mom?” he had said with a low voice, concerned about the way she sat still and absolutely quiet.  
When Karen turned around to face Michael, her eyes where blood shot and her blonde hair a mess. She turned back around, starring through the window. Michael slowely walked in to the kitchen and sat down across from her. Up front, she looked even worse and she smelled like a combination of stale alcohol and something that could only be described as 'death'.

”Mom? Are you OK?” he tried again.  
”My boss called me this morning” Karen said in a monotone voice.  
”Where you supposed to work today?”  
Michaels stomach filled with dread.  
”He fired me. Said I've been late and a no-show too many times. Said I should really get myself back on track. That fool, what would he know? Living in the Elite like a fucking king, I have never”  
Karen continued her rant, but Michael didn't listen. His mother had lost her job. Lost her job again. Suddenly, the dread was gone and replaced witha hot rage.  
”How the FUCK could you do this again?”  
Karen flinched back at Michael words, a stunned look on her face.  
”What are we supposed to do now? How are we supposed to get money? Mom, we're gonna end up on the streets if you keep this up!” Michael all but screamed at her.  
Karen just sat there, looking at him with a face frozen like he had actually hit her. And then she moved, stood up and walked away with a hunch of an old lady.

”I don't know” she replied in a quiet voice, ”I don't know and I'm tired”  
Michael couldn't think straight, the anger boiling inside him and he had had enough.  
”Yeah well, I'm fucking tired of it too!” he continued to yell at her as he went after her through the living room, ”why can't you get your shit together? Why can't you think about what will happen to us, to me?”  
Karen stopped, and turned slowely to face her son. But this time, the tiredness in her face was changed to something cold and hard.

”Think about you?” she said, voice high and tight as she moved towards Michael who instinctively took a step backwards, ”isn't that all I fucking do? Isn't there all that EVERYONE does? It's all about you, isn't it? Well, I don't fucking care anymore, you're not a fucking child”  
”Mom” Michael breathed, suddenly scared of this small, blond woman infront of him.  
”You know what Michael?” she was so close to his face that he could feel the alcohol still in her vains, ”you can get the fuck out”  
Michael couldn't move. They had fought many times but nothing was close to this so when his back hit the door, he just stood still and stared into his mothers red covered eyes.  
”Get. The fuck. OUT!"

 

And Michael got out.

 

***

” _And now I sit here_ ” he thought, looking around in the guest room that felt like his. He had walked around for a bit, too upset to think clearly, too do much at all beside walking. He must have walked for hours. Through  downtown and to the other side of the city. To Luke. He rung the doorbell no one had been home so Michael had waited outside on the curb. Sometime later, maybe an hours, Luke had step out of a taxi, a relieved smile on his face. That is, until the blonde boy saw the look on Michaels face and ran over him. Just by seeing the other boys face, Michael had spilled everything that had happend that morning, about the sleeping pills and why he hadn't been to school. Luke said nothing, just let them inside the house and told him to get a shower, that there would be food ready when he was done. Michael thought thats what real friendship is; knowing whats needed without being told. 

He got up and dressed himself in the clothes Luke had put out for him: sweats and a big hoodie. When Michael pulled the shirt over his head, he got the smell of his blonde friend and it made him feel better instantly. He walks out of the room and downstairs, to the kitchen slash livingroom area, and sees his friend just setting plates of food on the coffee table. Luke says nothing, just walks over and gives Michael a hug. A hug so big and so familiar that Michael can do little but cling on it. They stay like that, just hugging and caring and loving.

”Kitten” Luke says as he breaks away and try to get eyecontact with the red haired boy.  
Michael avoids his eyes and moves to sit on the couch instead. Luke says nothing, just sigh quietly and sits down next to them. The next half hour they eat the pizza Luke re-heated, the closest to cooking he ever comes, under silence.

That is, until Andrew comes walking in.

”I saw your text, what's going on?” Lukes fathers asks as he takes his tie off and sits down in the armchair next to them. Michael says nothing, just looks at Luke. Taking the hint, he says:  
”Michaels mom got fired. Again.”  
Andrew sighs, in that way that means he's not suprised at all, and leans forward to but a hand on Michaels knee.  
”I'm sure she will find something else”  
”It's the third time in two years that she's gotten fired” Michael says and his voice is small.  
No one says anything, but Andrew squeezes his knee reasuringly, and waits for him to continue.  
”She was doing so good up until just a few weeks ago”, Michael says and sniffs, ”I don't know what happend. I don't know.. why would she.. And I”  
His throat is tight and Michael can't stop the tears welling up and running down his cheeks.

Luke sneaks his arm around the crying boy and holds him close. Andrew pulls out a few tissues from a nearby drawer and gives them to Michael who takes them thankfully. No one says a word, the only thing you can hear is sniffes and hiccups as Michael cries.

”It feels like she doesn't care anymore, about what's gonna happen to us. I mean, how are we gonna pay rent? We're already so far behind and what about the other bills, like the electricity and..” A new hiccups prevent Michael from continue and he wipes his eyes with his hands.  
”She has pulled through before, I'm sure she will again” Andrew says with a kind voice.  
”Yeah, and you can stay here anythime you want to” Luke throws in.  
”You're always welcome here”  
Andrews words makes Michael feel a bit better, a little less alone, and he takes a steadiyng breath, lifting his gaze to try and smile to Andrew.

They didn't speak about it anymore that night, instead they watch a movie and ordered more food. Michael felt more at ease, more hopefull. Sure, his mother was in a bad place but it wasn't something she hadn't visited, and getting out of, before. _”The funny thing is”,_ Michael thinks when he lays in bed, Luke just right next to him, _”I've never felt more at home then I do right now”._

***

The next day, both boys wakes up early by Lukes alarm. When they go down to eat breakfast, they find a note from Andrew saying he's gonna be out of town for a conference the whole weekend. Along side that, they also find some money meant for food. While Luke's in the shower, Michael puts on the clothes he chosed out of the big wardrobe. Luke is taller, but they're the same size otherwise. The legs of the black skinny jeans pools a litte around his ankles but it looks good with the black and red t-shirt he found way back in the closet. He's thinking about what to do with the wild mess that is his hair, when his phone beeps.

For a moment, he thinks that it might be his mother. But as he lifts of the phone from the bed, he sees that it's from an unkown number. Disappointment and relief floods through his body but not wanting to think about that anymore, he opens up the message. _”Party in the Crooks tonight? ;)”_ the message reads with a name of a boy Michael can't remember. Probably someone he's slept with before but not someone worthy of a memory, Michael decides as he types back an answer. Just as he finishes, Luke steps out of the conjointed bathroom.

”Nice outfit” he says and winks.  
Michael just flips him off, closes the phone and puts it in his backpocket. When he looks up again, Luke has pulled on an identical pair of black skinny jeans.  
”Copy-cat much?” Michael says with a smirk.  
”OK, first of all” Luke says, all seriousness in his eyes, ”we ALWAYS have skinny jeans. And secondly, I think that technically you are copying me”  
”Yeah well, I do what I can with what little I have” Michael sticks his toungue out and Luke just rolls his eyes as he pulls the simple black t-shirt over his head.  
”Please tell me you're not styling your hair today? We're gonna miss the bus” Michael says with a sigh.  
”Nah, not today, let's go” Luke says as he putst the blonde hair under a black snapback and leads the way out.

On the bus, Michael informs his blond friend about the party later that night, he also texts Calum about getting some booze for it. When they are just a few minutes from the school, Michael leans back and sighs.

”I fucking hate fridays”  
”Are you mental? How can you hate fridays?” Luke looks personally offended.  
”It's so close to the weekend but it's still SO far away” Michael sighs and crosses his arms over his chest.  
”Come on Mikey! It's friday! It's the best day of the week, where's your sense of joy?”  
”Oh, so I'm boring now?” Michael tries to sound grumpy, but a smirk is playing on his lips.  
”Yup! Don't you know what day it is Michael? It's TGIF!” Luke almost shouts the last bit and get cheers from people around him.  
Without a care that his best friend is dying from embarrassment, Luke stands up, chanting ”TGIF” until someone blasts the Katy Perry song from a wireless speaker and Lukes goes up and down the aisle, singing:

_”Last Friday night_  
 _Yeah, we danced on tabletops_  
 _And we took too many shots_  
 _Think we kissed but I forgot_  
  
_Last Friday night_  
 _Yeah, we maxed our credit cards_  
 _And got kicked out of the bar_  
 _So we hit the boulevard”_

They make eyecontact, and even though Michael can feel the blush on his cheeks, he smiles to his friend. His stupid, cute friend who's singing at the top of his lungs and completely ignores the angry looks from everyone who isn't a teenager on the way to school. When they finally arrive at the school, the busdriver is more or less kicking Luke off, Michael can't help but laugh. _”If I just get through this day”_ he thinks as he steals Lukes snapback and puts it on his own head, knowing he'll get to keep it, _”it'll be OK_ ”. He feels determined. Determined not to be downer, to not let his problems at home effect him. ”If mom doesn't care, then why should I?” he thinks and smiles, one arm around Lukes shoulder as they enter the school. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for the wait. ive been trying to do this as fast as possible but tbh it hasn't really been a priority. anyways, here it is! pls comment what you think.
> 
> also i'll go back and change all the grammar and spelling mistake, but since english is not my first language it'll probably be a lot i'll miss. thank you for reading xx


	8. Dancing on Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .. oops.  
>  JUST TO MAKE THINGS CLEAR this is obviously NOT real people. The names and some off the background are inspiration but this is in no way, shape of form a true story of how I view things/people at all.
> 
> I also know nothing about school in other countries and I accidentally changed peoples ages so. Heh. Also my English sucks so tell me if something is wrong.

**Luke**

* * *

 

Luke and Michael part ways to go to their different classes, a promise of seeing each other at lunch break later. Luke smiles to himself, watching his friend walk away. When Luke had walked into his house the day before, he could tell something was off right away. It was too quiet, too still. No music, no chatter, it didn't even smell like burning cigarettes. It always smells like burning cigarettes. Luke had spotted Karen asleep on the living-room couch but was unable to wake her up, the bottle of wine close at hand giving him an indication as to why. He had stood up at went to search through Michaels room, the kitchen, even the bathroom but the redhead was nowhere to be seen.

Yes, Luke might be a bit of a worrier. He might have a bit of a wild imagination, but when Michael hadn't answered any of his texts or calls, he was close to rip his own hair out. He had called everyone and their aunt but no one had seen his friend. His first instinct had been to walk over to Calums house, but the boy had had a short temper all day and Luke got nervous just thinking about running into Calums parents again. And if Michael wasn't at Calum, which he never was, there wasn't really that many places for him to go. He didn't really have any friends besides the two and he never hooked up with someone without telling Luke where he was going (a policy installed by Luke who may have watched too many seasons of Web of Lies, but that's beside the point). So where could his friend be?

Without any other options, Luke had done the only logical thing; which was ordering a cab to go to the police station to file a missing person report.

Luckily for everyone involved, he had decided to swing by his house to pick up a new photograph of Michael to give to the police; when he had seen his best friend sitting on the street outside his house. So, that's a story no one needs to know about.

A voice right beside him, startles him out of his thoughts.  
"Hm, i guess he's pretty. If you like the whole "druggie" look"  
And just like that, Lukes good mood is ruined.  
"What?" he asks as he turns to look the girl besides him in the eye.  
"Well, I mean, he is obviously not in your league, but i get it if you're curious. I heard he's not that difficult to get with either so"  
The new girl from his class, Arzaylea he thinks is her name, tries to smile and look cute but Luke is not moved an inch by her long, blinking lashes and slightly pouty lips.  
"That's my best friend you're talking about, you would do good to remember that"  
Luke doesn't know what he expected, shame? Maybe guilt? But no, the girls eyes widens and she breathes out an disbelieving "him?"

Luke just rolls his eyes and can't stop the very, very deep sigh.  
"Yes, him" he answers in a dissmissal tone.  
The girl clearly doesn't take the hint.  
"But why him? I mean, he is nothing like you! Why would you-"  
Luke, tired already and regretting ever seeing this girls annoying face, turns around with a very dramatic and very loud "OH MY GOD WOMAN LET ME LIVE" that echo into the corridor and makes the student nearby snickers. Luke walks away with a smile on his lips, while Arzaylea is left embarrassed behind him.

***

As usual, no one let's Luke live. This time it isn't some annoying girl, even though he can feel her staring at the back of his neck the whole lecture. No, this time it's his teacher who just goes on and on about the importance of physics and yes, Luke gets it. Physics is important, it makes the world go round and whatever but do his teacher really need to talk so damn much? Sometimes Luke wonders if the teacher, and elderly man, gets a boner from talking about gravity and apples.

Well, luckily enough he can't dwell deeper into his thoughts about teachers and apples before the bell rings and class is dismissed. He stands up eagerly and gathers his stuff just to get away from this room, which he is know convinced his teacher has jerked off in at one point or another, and hurries out of the school, a cigarette already in hand.

It's a bright, sunny day and he sits down under a tree with his back against it. As soon as he lights up his smoke, he takes out his headphones and puts them in. Sure, Luke was a popular guy with a lot of friends he could sit with, but he just wants to be alone. Days after the anniversary of his family death is always hard and even though he doesn't feel depressed enough to lay in bed for days on ends, it's hard on his emotions. He feels a little bit on edge.

 _"Science and reason will tell us so_  
_The blood in our veins are just chemicals_  
_Better believe I keep my demons to myself_  
_Better believe it's getting harder_  
_But I'm never gonna stop until it's broken_  
_Never gonna stop until it's broken"_

A hand on his shoulder disturbs his St.Lucia time but Luke isn't even surprised when he takes out his headphone and look up at the boy standing above him.

"Luke, can i talk to you a sec?"  
Luke just nods and sighs.  
Of course no one will let him live.  
"Whats up, Liam?"  
The other boy fidgets a bit when he sits down, looking everywhere besides Luke until he takes a deep breath and throws out:  
"I just wanted to apologize"  
Luke doesn't answer, just raises an eyebrow in question.

"For what happened. At the Summer's End Bash. I don't know how Harry managed to get in to the party. Well, it's not like he was banned or anything but he should have contacted me and-"  
"Liam, chill, it's OK. I'm not mad at you"  
Liam takes a deep breathe and smiles at the blonde boys words,  
"it's just, Niall was really mad at me for letting that happen and he's right. I'm always too kind to Harry and even though we used to be friends he never listens to me."  
"You used to be friends with Harry Styles?" Luke can't help but asks. He knows he sounds surprised and that it's rude, because Liam is not without friends, but he's just.. well, kind of a loser compared to the Harry Styles.

"Yeah, we used to be really close. Me, him, Niall and Louis and Zayn"  
Luke tries, he really does, but he can't stop the disbelieving gasp he lets out.  
"I know, it's kinda wierd. But you know, you always talk about how everyone is just the same and I guess you're right. Or, we were. Then Harry, Louis and Zayn got in too deep with the drugs and I got held back a year and wasn't cool enough to hang with anymore" Liam says with a sad smile.  
"But you and Niall seems to be close still"  
"Yeah" Liam shrugs, "for now. He's in college and I'm here, things are diffrent, you know?"  
Luke just nods and think about Ashton and about their friendship. But also where he, Calum and Michael will be in just one year when they finish school and he's left behind all alone. He's tried not to let his mind go there but it's hard not to. They have a strong friendship but can it really survive that?

"But I also wanted to ask you something"  
"Huh?" Luke says, lost in his thoughts, "what?"  
"It's none of my buisness but.. Well, I don't really know Calum or anything but I just wanted you to tell him something for me"  
"Liam, what the fuck are you going on about?"  
"Harry is in a really, really bad place. And if Calum wants them to try again, I wouldn't encourage it as his friend, you know?"  
"What?" Luke asks, confused as fuck, "what do you mean again?"  
Liam just looks at him like he's stupid and Luke fears that he may be.  
"They used to date, didn't you know that?"  
Luke just shakes his head.  
"Or well, I think they were. Like I said, I don't really know Calum but Harry talked about him alot and I just-"  
"It's OK Liam", Luke says holding his arms up, "Calum is kinda secretive. I'm gonna talk to him, OK?"  
"OK, thank you" Liam looks relieved.  
Luke just nods and doesn't really pay attention to Liams goodbye, he has a lot to think about. Like what the fuck did that mean because there's no way Luke could ask Calum without him closing up. Especially if it's just Liam that got it wrong and then Calum would know that people talk about him in that way and what if..  
What if it's true, and Calum has kept something like that from his friend? But why would he do that?  
Yes. Luke's got a lot to think about.

A lot. 

* * *

  **Calum**

He feels cold, but in a good way. Detached. Closed. Like nothing can touch him, no one can touch him now. Everyone moves a little bit when he walks through the house, the indifference in his eyes speaking volumes. An energy of 'no fucks given' surrounding him. The party is in full swing and the house, which already looked run down, is filled with teenagers and beer and smoke and high, pulsating music. It's a party in the Crooks and even though it's dirty and disgusting - he feels right at home.

He doesn't look it though.

The funny thing is: you always talk about rich people and how they look alike in their expensive clothes from the same shops. But here, everyone looks the same; the boys, and some girls, in big hoodies and old jeans. Most of the girls in clothes so ripped, little is left to the imagination. Calum on the other hand, has his signature bottom up shirt, today a deep blue, with skinny jeans. He feels the looks on him and if he was anyone else, he would be out on his ass for just resembeling an Elite, but everyone knows who he is.  
And they know that it's better to back down.

He hadn't really wanted to come, had a deep desire to just be home alone in his bed watching Netflix - but Michael had nagged and nagged until he gave in. And honestly, Calum felt a little bit guilty for avoiding his best friend but he was just so tired. And angry.

The reason for his anger just walking through the door.

Of course, Ashton being the only one who came close to being natural sunshine as one can be, just smiled and waved at him like nothing was wrong. Like last night hadn't happened. Like he hadn't called Calum beautiful, like that was something people just _do_.

That dark, hot rage tingled in his hands so Calum did the only thing he could think off - drowning his beer and throwing himself on a couch to act like nothing happened.

Unfortunately for him, the people sitting around the living-room were playing a round of truth or dare. Why, Calum would never understand because he couldn't think of anything more boring or childish then telling secrets or forcing people to act stupid but you know what they say - when in Rome.

He sits for awhile watching the game, luckily enough no one seems to really want to challenge him or ask him anything so he just get to drink his beers and hear people spill secrets left and right. It's good too because then he can pretend like he doesn't notice how Ashton joins the circle on the floor or how a certain blue eyed boy that he named "bitchass" in his mind sits right besides him. He can feel Ashtons eyes on him but if he felt a rage hidden deep down before, it's so close to the surface he feels like screaming. Or you know, kicking someone in the face. Instead, he hums to the song by Vance Joy currently playing through the house.

 _"Do you like walking in the rain?_  
_When you think of love, do you think of pain?_  
_You can tell me what you see_  
_I will choose what I believe"_

Suddenly, he hears his name being called out and realizes someone has challenged him in the game. Sure enough, when he looks over, a slightly high and nasal voice asks,  
"truth or dare?"

Yep, Calum definitely wants to kick someone in the face.

"Truth" he says right away. Fuck no would he ever risk being in a position where he would have to.. you know, show positions. Or something like that.  
"Wow Hood, feeling brave? Have things to share with the group?"  
"Shut up Tomlinson and get the fuck on with it"  
The blue eyed boy just tsks and pretends to think heavily, tapping his finger against his temple.  
"Hm, what could I ask? What could I ask? OH I KNOW"  
Calum just rolls his eyes at the theatrics and takes a sip from a drink standing abandoned on the table to his right. Don't question it. He really, really hates that kid.  
"Calum" Louis leaning forward and lowering his voice like he's gonna asks something really juicy, "tell us about your first time"

Calum freezes, hand still up with the drink close to his lips. Quickly, he pushes down the feelings of fucking hatred that almost chokes him and takes a sip of the drink, closing his eyes briefly as he tips his head back to swallow the last of it. " _Fucking_ _bitchass_ " he thinks and breathes. Composes himself. 

"What a boring fucking question, honestly, I wasn't aware this was a sleepover? Are we 13 year old girls? Should we talk about menstruation and pads too?"  
Some people around the circle snorts at this and someone starts talking but Louis won't give up on the topic so easily.  
"What, you're too much of a prude? Too much of an Elite to give us the details?"  
The word Elite is thrown at him like an insult, and Calum knows that it's supposed to. He also doesn't give a fuck and just rolls his eyes at him.  
"I know someone who wouldn't mind talking"  
Again, Calum feels that dark, black hatred seep through his veins and it's with a huge amount of effort he doesn't flinch. An even bigger that keeps him still on the couch.  
"Yeah, I would imagine. Who knew all your sisters would turn out the same? Especially the twins, they were really on it" he says with a calm voice and looks around like he's bored of the conversations.

As he predictable, Louis is flying up with a loud "what the fuck" and stalks over to Calum, who just rolls his eyes. _"What's with boys and their fragile egos, seriously?_ " he thinks as he stands up and square his shoulders. Everyone around them has fallen silent and even the music seems to fall into the background as the Calum looks at the blue eyed boy in front of him with an icy demeanor that's completely different from the fire he feels raging inside of him.

"What? Don't be mad Louis, I'm sure they had a good time"  
There's a vein in Louis throat that keeps pumping and Calum has to hold his breath not to snicker at the sight of it. Yes, getting under peoples skin is something he really enjoys.  
"You shut the fuck up about my sisters Hood, or else"  
Calum snorts, "or else what? You're gonna ground me, dad?"  
"Or else Im gonna tell everyone what you did with-"  
"You do that", Calum interrupts, heart beating fast in his chest, "and I'll tell everyone whats really going on in that house of yours".

Louis shut his mouth immedietly and the relief flooding Calums body is enough to substain the anger. For now. He sees how the other boy tries to regain his composter, they have and aduience after all, but Calum know he won.  
"You don't know anything about my family, you stupid fucking slut-" Louis charges against him but Calum is prepared and just throws a hand up against the smaller boys chest, stopping him in his tracks.  
"I know everything", he says and leans closer but keeps his voice high enough for everyone else to hear, "you might forget who I am but I still live in the Crooks, I still see your ugly fucking house from my window and I know what secrets you keep"

Louis short gasp is enough to let Calum know it's down to go in for the kill, he leans in closer to whisper directly in the other boys ear "does he make you call him daddy, too?"

The thing is though, people who can't defend themselves with words, always uses their fist. And this is not different.

Louis fist comes swinging at the side of Calums head and he just let it hit him, lets himself be thrown down because something in his chest just aches and craves and gives in. This is what he was missing. But only for a moment because he is still Calum Hood. He grabs Louis by the front of the shirt and flips them over, hits him over and over again until someone drags him off. The moment he is standing, he calms down, eyes locked on the boy still laying on the floor. Calum has never been one for screaming and fighting unfair, when someone is down, they're down. So he just stands still and looks at Louis who is coughing and weeping.

He won. The people around him looks at him with something more then respect in their eyes, something close to awe, because even though fights are not unusual, Calums style and his way of carrying himself tend to make people forget that he still knows his shit. But it only takes one voice before he blinks out of his calm, trance like state to realize who's arm is around him and who dragged him off of Louis.

"Damn Cal, seems like you're still one of us"  
Dark eyes locks into hazel with a hint of green, and _"huh that's beautiful"_ he thinks for a second, but before he can answer, a blonde boy crashes into the room, long legs stumbling over people still sitting on the floor, nearly falling head first into the wall before he catches himself.

  
"Calum", Luke eyes are wide and his face his pale, "it's Michael, something is wrong!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> sorry  
> don't hit me


End file.
